Fresh Meat
by o0CrimsonsDragon0o
Summary: In her seventh year at Hogwarts, Lydia Matthews finds herself the object of interest for two of the infamous Marauders. As relationships grow, trouble follows close behind.
1. Chapter 1

Of course, everything you recognize is JK Rowling's work. Lydia is mine. Enjoy!

Lydia's POV

I sat alone in a compartment of the Hogwarts Express, reading. I wasn't alone for long though; a slender, pretty redhead opened the door excitedly and sat next to me.

"Our seventh year! Can you believe it, Lydia?" I smiled at my best (and almost only) friend.

"Time does fly, doesn't it?" I replied softly.

"Oh! I almost forgot. I got you a present." I looked at Lily Evans, confused.

"But why? It's not my birthday or anything." She shrugged.

"I saw these at a costume shop and thought of you." Lily pulled out a pair of hard plastic cat ears attached to a strip of elastic. They were black with black feathery stuff inside (for fur). "My curious kitty needs ears, doesn't she?" Laughing, I put them on. As soon as I had finished thanking her, the compartment door slid open once again.

"Hey, Evans. Mind if we sit here?" a tall, black haired boy asked. His light brown eyes glinted from behind his glasses as he smirked at her.

"Actually, I do mind," Lily told him, voice suddenly cold.

"Too bad. All the other compartments are full," another boy said, striding in and sitting across from the two of us. This one was drop dead gorgeous and had long black hair, startling blue-grey eyes, and a very easy manner.

"Does it really matter, Lily?" I asked quietly, opening my book to hide my face. Lily frowned, seeing as she was all alone in this matter.

"Oh, fine!" she snapped, "But YOU cannot sit next to me." James frowned but covered it with a shrug and sat on your other side. Two other boys followed in quietly and sat on either side of their blue-eyed friend. The one in front of Lily was rather round with thin-blond hair and small, watery eyes and the boy in front of you had a kind face with light brown bangs almost covering his amber eyes.

"So what's your name, angel?" Blue-eyes asked. Without moving my book, I murmured shyly, "Lydia Matthews." Two fingers appeared on top of the book, pushing it down so he could see my face. "Sorry, angel, didn't quite catch that," he told me with a winning smile, "I'm Sirius Black. That there next to you is James Potter. Over here are Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. Now why don't you try again?" I knew their names already. How couldn't I, living in Gryffindor tower and being in their same year. But knowing their names and reputations didn't help my shyness.

"Lydia Matthews," I whispered, cheeks red.

"There, that wasn't so hard, now was it?" I ducked back behind my book, wishing the attention would be averted from me.

"Aw, she's embarrassed!" Sirius exclaimed.

"No, she's shy. Now leave her be," Lily told him sharply. I sent a grateful smile Lily's way and she winked at me.

A bit later, Lily had me go to the bathroom with her. (its what girls do, right?)

Remus' POV

I had seen Lydia around for three years. She was a sweet, shy girl that never bothered anyone. This year I was sharing a compartment with the girl and the cuteness just melted off her. I kind of had a crush on her at the start of fifth year, but never pursued it due to what I am._ But maybe this year…_

Lily stood up and said she needed to use the water closet. Of course, Lydia went with her. Girls.

"So is she a transfer student? I haven't seen her around," James wondered aloud.

"Neither have I," Peter agreed.

"She's always been here. She's in our year after all," I said in what I hoped was an offhanded voice as I turned the page of my book. The three boys looked at me, surprised.

"Really?" Sirius asked, with a grin. James laughed and my heart sank.

"I know that look," James said, still smiling, "You're interested."

"Why shouldn't I be? She's cute with those big brown eyes and those fake kitty ears. She seems so innocent…might be fun to turn her to the dark side." I frowned slightly, though agreeing with Sirius (about the cute part, not the corrupting). But my friend was the handsome, popular one. Girls flocked to him. And if there was one he wanted, he got her. Honestly, I didn't dare fight Sirius, not when there was the slightest chance I would lose the only friends I'd had in so long. _It's probably for the best. We wouldn't be able to get serious anyway. Not with my 'furry little problem,' _I thought bitterly to myself. At least, that's what my rational mind told me. My heart said to keep trying and maybe luck would be on my side.

"Wormtail," Sirius said, addressing the boy next to him. He made a lazy hand gesture indicating that the rounder boy should change seats. Peter got up and sat down next to James right as the door swung open again.

Lydia's POV

When I got back, my seat was taken. Peter had claimed it while I was out with Lily. "There's room right here, angel." Sitting, I wasn't sure if I liked the nickname, but I was sure I didn't like sitting between two boys I didn't really know (I knew Remus just a little, but still). To cover my awkward shyness, I leaned over and picked up my book from next to Peter and opened it. Remus chuckled. I glanced at him, curious as to why he did. He noticed the look so he closed the book he was reading. Oedipus Rex the title read. Now I understood what was so funny; we were reading the same book. Favoring him with a small shy smile, I slowly put the book down.

"I didn't think anyone else read the classics for pleasure," the quiet boy commented.

"I think it's ironic and funny," I explained to his knees, unable to look him in the face.

"Wait. Isn't that the one where this prince accidently kills his real dad then bops his mom?" James asked incredulously. Both me and Remus nodded. Sirius gave a bark-like laugh.

"What a strange sense of humor. We outta keep you around," Sirius said happily, draping an arm around my shoulders. I admit it- I blushed. Hard.

"So what's your favorite book?" Remus asked me warmly, apparently taking pity on my embarrassment. I smiled gratefully at him, glad for the excuse to turn out of Sirius' arm and to get away from the attractive boy's attention. I'd have probably passed out from embarrassment had it stayed that way. Or word would've gotten around and his fan club would've killed me. "It's Macbeth," I murmured to him.

"That's interesting. Why?" he encouraged. _He's so sweet. It's been so long since I last actually talked to him, I had almost forgotten. _When I was really little, other kids would tease me, laugh at me, and just be plain mean- all because I was a little different. And not just the witchy part either.

"It's about how one action can have severe consequences and how the people involved handle it and turn out." He nodded.

"Sound reason. My favorite as also a Shakespearean play- A Midsummer Night's Dream."

"How come?" I asked, unable to help taking the bait. Lily wasn't joshing when she said I was her curious kitty. Besides, I liked books.

"It's crazy and messed up but then it turns out to just be a bad dream. It wasn't real," he explained with the slightest hint of sadness- or was it bitterness?- to his voice. _He must have wanted the dream to be real_, I thought. The two of us talked for a little more; it was easier to talk to him the longer it went on. Still, it was hard to look at his handsome face for too long. His eyes would just bore into mine, as if they could read my thoughts. However I did sneak glances at him through the corner of my eye when he wasn't looking at me. After a while, he mercifully went back to reading his book so I could read my own and fade back to being ignored. Sirius would try to prod me into the conversation every now and then, but a glare from Lily finally shut him up. Most people would be upset that someone (especially Sirius) didn't know who they were after being in the same house and year for six years. I didn't mind. I preferred being invisible. People left me alone and I could do what I wanted without being bothered. Sure, I have Lily and occasionally Remus would talk to me, but that was basically it. But I liked it that way.

A few hours later, I had finished my book and started reading another when they broke out a game of Exploding Snap. It was fun to watch and they even managed to get me to play a round. We arrived at Hogwarts not too long after that. By that point, Sirius had managed to get his arm around my shoulders again and Remus had looked decidedly grumpy for the past hour (probably because he had lost almost every game).

And for the record, I think Sirius Black and Remus Lupin are both very attractive. If I wasn't so shy, I probably wouldn't mind Sirius flirting with me. But every time he does something like that, I feel shoved into the limelight which is sooooo far away from my safety zone. I'd have felt safer had it been Remus' arm…maybe…


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, everyone. Here's chapter two. I guess I forgot to mention this last time, but I tend to switch POVs- I mention the change, of course, but might as well say it. Everything but Lydia so far belongs to JKR (if it were mine, it wouldn't be a fanfic, now would it)

A big hi, hello, and thanks for greenluvr14 for being my first review 3 Enjoy ya'll.

Lydia's POV

A couple days had passed uneventfully into the school year. Every year, James wasted no time in trying to get Lily to go out with him. This year was no different. At least on his part. The lovely redhead hadn't ranted about him or his attempts once since the train. That in itself was highly unusual. Maybe he was getting somewhere? The thought made me smile. He could be a brat and was very full of himself, but they seemed to balance each other out. It might work…not that I'd ever say that to her face. Breakfast came and went and with a happily full tummy, I went back to the tower to check my schedule and get my books.

"Friday…8:30…Ancient Runes," I said to myself, reading off my schedule. After that was Charms. I shoved the books in my bag and made a bee line for the AR classroom. I took my usual seat in the back and got out my note taking things and books. Oh. Book. Sadly, I left my dictionary in my trunk. Crap. Oh well. Professor Babbling spoke for a while before writing an assignment on the board.

"You may break up into pairs if you wish, but I don't want you to get too rowdy. If I say it's too loud, you will have to do your work alone." This was the usual thing from her. I always worked on my own; I didn't have to deal with people that way. I had just started to copy it down when someone stood in front of my desk. I looked up to see Remus. I didn't even know he was in my class!

"Um…hi. Want to be partners?" he asked. A few girls giggled behind him. He pretended not to notice but a light blush crept onto his cheeks. All I could do was nod. He sat down next to me and unpacked his bag. Yeah, I wasn't working alone, but I got a smart partner. He's a cute one, too (and he has his dictionary ^_^). He went straight to work, copying down the assignment from the board and opening his book to the right chapter.

"Alright. We have to translate this whole passage and answer the following questions," he said, looking at his book. "I'll take the first half and you can take the second, if you'd like. Or would you like to go sentence by sentence together?" he offered, suddenly aware that I might not be as good at translating as he was.  
"Half and half is fine. But if I could borrow your dictionary every now and then, I'd appreciate it." He smiled warmly.

"Sure. Help yourself." The assignment went by quickly. We are both good at runes so it was expected. "So what do you want to do when you leave? Hogwarts, I mean," he asked once our parchment was turned in. I shrugged.

"I think I want to be a healer. But I'm not sure." He smiled.

"That's a good choice," he encouraged, smiling wider.

"Yourself?" It was so easy to talk to him! And that smile…he has this sort of animal magnetism about him but most don't really take notice because he's always so overshadowed by his friends. The question seemed to sadden him because his smile shrank and he looked out the window.

"I'm not sure, either. There aren't many options for someone like me. I'm…I'm always sick, you know?" I nodded. I had noticed that. Who couldn't, after three years? "But I wouldn't mind traveling. I'd like to see the world, but I'd want to do that with friends. It's no fun going alone."

"So you'd go with the guys?" He nodded.

"Yeah. If I wasn't sick, anyway." I don't know why I did it or what possessed me to open my mouth, but I did.

"I'd take care of you." As soon as I said it, I turned away, blushing furiously. It was the truth but an embarrassing one. It was seeing him (and others) so sick all the time that made me want to help out. Just cause I'm not social doesn't mean I don't like to help others. I sneaked a peak at him. His eyes were wide and I was pleased to note that I wasn't the only one blushing.

"And Lily would be going too, right? Once James finally breaks her, anyway." Lupin chuckled, acting as if I hadn't said anything embarrassing and nodded.

"So you think Lily will give in, do you?" I nodded.

"But don't tell her I said that." He crossed his heart. The bell rang so we packed our things. We walked to Charms together but parted when I went to sit with Lily. Flitwick had made it a point to put James at one end of the room and Sirius at the other on the first day of class. Remus sat with Sirius and Peter with James so they wouldn't get too lonely. Lily liked to sit front row. I was fair at Charms but never came close to Lily's brilliance. She didn't get Head Girl just for being pretty. I could see why James thought she was pretty, though. She was slender and fair with warm green eyes. Her hair was such a lovely red, cut and straight in the latest style. It naturally flipped out, too. Me? I have dark brown hair that naturally goes into loose curls. If I want it straight like Lily, I have to Charm it. Which brings me back to my lack of insane Charms abilities. Oh well. I guess it works for me. The lesson went by slowly, but I knew it would. Lily isn't one for passing notes in class and my lack of interest in a subject I'm not that great at has that effect.

Lunch was good though. I had Sheppard's Pie.

Transfiguration was next and, once again, our class had the immense joy of having all four of the Marauders in it. Granted, it was McGonagall and she didn't put up with too much. She gave everyone an assignment and half an hour to do it. When everyone was turning it in at her desk, she instructed everyone to get with a partner for today's assignment. We were going to turn rocks into different things. Before I could even look to find Lily, a hand was on my shoulder. Then I heard the six most dreaded words of that day.

"Hey, angel. Wanna be my partner?" I turned to look at Sirius, then at the angry girls behind him, then back to him.

"What about James?" I asked quietly. He responded with a smirk and a discreet point to the left. James was standing near Lily, giving me a pleading expression. _Oh, I get it. If I'm taken as a partner, then she won't have me as an excuse to not be with Potter. _His eyes got bigger and he pouted, trying to look like a puppy. Against my better judgment, I agreed. I couldn't say no to those eyes.

"Lily is going to beat me senseless," I muttered as I grabbed my bag. Sirius laughed and tapped my nose.

"Then I'll just have to nurse you back to health." Why did it have to sound so dirty when he said it?

"Won't your lover Lupin be jealous?" Sirius near slipped out of his seat. _Oh shi- I said that out loud!_

"One time! Just one time and I don't get to hear the end of it!" he protested, recovering from his shock. _He's playing back? He's not mad? _I smiled.

"Of course not. With something as naughty as that, it should live on. Besides, knowing you'll shag guys will make a good few of them at this school quite happy." A genuine look of terror crossed his face.

"I'm sorry!" I said quickly and buried my face in my arms. This is why I don't talk to people.

"No, you don't have to be sorry. I just wasn't expecting it. And I especially wasn't expecting you to really talk to me in the first place, much less joke."

"I like jokes. I just…don't normally share."

"Well that's stingy of you," he teased. It was strange. He made me want to interact. He made it feel like I was missing out. And, when it was like this, in a quiet and friendly way, it wasn't so bad. It didn't feel as warm or safe like it was talking to Remus, though. We looked at our box of rocks and tried to figure out how to transfigure them into something fundamentally different. Sirius flipped through the chapter, barely skimming it.

"Do you know what to do?" he asked. I knew he wasn't asking me to do all the work- he always got top marks (somehow). He was offering.

"I got it," I said, not looking at him as my shyness was back.

"Really? Not going to read the chapter?" he asked.

"Like you did?" I muttered. He snickered but didn't say anything, probably because he didn't want me to stop talking again. "I read it last night."

"Well then, miss prepared, show me. Do something big." I chewed my lip. I really didn't want to attract attention. But then, being Black's partner already guaranteed attention. "Please?" he asked sweetly, mimicking James' puppy face. Man, I'm a pushover. I grabbed a handful of small rocks and put them in front of me then did the proper wand movements. They clustered and reformed into a red balloon, which floated into the air.

"A balloon? That's it?"

"Pop it," I told him. With a wave of his wand, he complied. It burst and red and gold confetti fell to the ground.

"Mr. Black! Miss Matthews! " McGonagall admonished. "I did not expect such disrupting behavior from you, Miss Matthews." I hung my head, hating being called out. Before I could apologize, though, Sirius had already taken action.

"Don't worry, Professor," he told her as he waved his wand at some of the rocks in front of him. They transfigured into a rose, which he offered to her. "We'll clean it up." She took the rose and examined it carefully before putting it back on our desk. Apparently it was satisfactory. Even though Sirius was grinning, I spent the rest of class with my face on the desk, buried in my arms.


	3. Chapter 3

Remus' POV

I sat on my four-poster, reading. The other three were talking, but I wasn't really listening. Well, I wasn't until James started a new line of conversation.

"I have a new plan to get Lily to go out with me." This was normal, but it was amusing to listen to his ideas. "This is a smart one, too. First, I'm going to start calling her by her first name. Shows I'm serious about being close to her. And then, I get to her by going through one of her friends." I didn't quite like the sound of that.

"Like we did in Transfiguration, right?" Sirius asked.

"That's it, Padfoot. She's always around that Lyla girl-"

"Lydia," both Sirius and I corrected at the same time. He looked at me, his eyes calculating.

"Yeah, Lydia," James continued, offhandedly, "anyway, she sticks to that girl cause she's not confident. Lily wants to take care of her. She's so caring. But if you guys take care of her, I can move in on Lily."

"I can take care of her," Sirius said in a very dirty tone. James rolled his eyes.

"You would."

"I'll take care of your mom, too," Sirius shot back, trying to keep up the dirty voice, but it was so playful, James could only throw a pillow at him.

"Anyway, not only will it free Lily up, but we get good people points for being nice to her friend. Perfect plan, really." The sad part, it actually was a decent plan. It only took the idiot seven years to come up with it. "So is everyone game?" he asked hopefully. All three of us nodded.

Lydia's POV

At dinner, things got turned upside down. Well, not literally. Instead of simply sitting next to Lily and minding my own business while she talks to her other friends, I was suddenly surrounded by the same boys that had shown up in our compartment on the Hogwarts Express. Lily turned to them and glared pointedly at James.

"The answer is no, so why don't you boys go back to the other end of the table?" James gave her an innocent smile.

"I'm just sitting with my friends. And Lydia is my friend." _Wait, when did this happen? Why wasn't I informed? _My confusion showed but was eased with a comforting smile from Remus. Lily seemed wary, but when I didn't protest, she went back to talking to Maryanne. I went back to eating my dinner, hoping they would talk around me and just use me as an excuse to be near Lily. No such luck.

"So Sirius says that you can be pretty funny when you want to be. You know, once you talk," James said to me. I shoved a big spoonful of mashed potatoes in my mouth to keep from speaking and shrugged instead. Lupin, bless his pretty head, turned the conversation to quidditch, a topic none of the boys were able to ignore. I could feel his eyes on me every now and then, though, even if he didn't say much to me.

"Wooooow," Peter breathed. We followed his gaze to a few Hufflepuff girls who came in late. The blonde of the duo had her hair done up in a beehive fashion. "Her hair…it's huge," he said and took a huge gulp pumpkin juice.

"Well, yeah. She's trying to catch all that stuff that goes way over her head," I muttered, apparently a lot louder than I thought. Peter snorted and his pumpkin juice shot out his nose. All. Over. Me. The others were laughing, too. Others turned their attention from the Hufflepuff girls (now at their table) to see what the Marauders were laughing about. Cheeks aflame, I got up and walked as quickly as I could back to Gryffindor tower. By the time I finished changing, dinner was almost done. I figured I might as well just go to the library to do my homework. I wasn't that hungry anymore, anyway.

Remus' POV

I just started to laugh at Lydia's offhand joke when Peter spewed his pumpkin juice out his nose, which of course made me laugh harder. The fact that it went all over Lydia wasn't good, but still, it was funny. She didn't seem to think so. A horrified expression flashed onto her face before she stood up and near ran out the Great Hall.

"Oops. I'll get her," Sirius said, still laughing a little. My eye twitched as I frowned slightly. Sirius was really starting to annoy me.

"No, I'll get her," I told him firmly. He looked at me strangely before shrugging. _I stood up to him. And he's not mad…perhaps…perhaps this won't wreck our friendship as well. _I turned and made my way to the tower. She wasn't there. _Well if she's not in her room (according to one of the girls who was nice enough to check) or the Common room, the next best bet would be the library, knowing her. _ Sure enough, she was sitting at one of the back tables in the library.

"May I join you?" I asked. She shrugged, not looking at me. I sat anyway. "Listen, we didn't mean to embarrass you. Sorry, Lydia." Again, she shrugged and refused to look up from her book. "What you said was rather funny, though. And it's nice hearing your voice. It's like you're holding out on me, you know?" I told her. She looked up a little, a small smile indicating she wasn't terribly upset anymore. That's another thing I really like about her: she's very forgiving. It didn't take too long for her to close her book entirely and just talk to me. Sadly, it was interrupted by the rest of the group. I felt bad getting annoyed with my friends when they had always been so good to me, but…

"Hey, Lydia," Lily said, taking a seat next to her. Lily looked at her, asking with her eyes if she was ok. Lydia nodded and opened her book again. _Damn it._ Sirius gave her one of his charming smiles with his own apology- one that consisted of placing his hand over hers. Sometimes I wish I had his audacity. I don't lack confidence, but I fear what might happen…

"Hey, Lily-"

"Not now, Potter," she cut him off rudely. It's weird. Usually, she at least allows him a few sentences.

"That's not very nice," he pointed out, unfazed. Kinda sad how used to her snapping he is.

"Don't you have any compassion?! It was because of you boys she (she indicated Lydia, who brought up her book to hide behind) got laughed at by the entire Great Hall. But no. You don't care. All you think of is yourself and what you want. It's always about you and how great you are," she hissed, having been given a warning glare by the librarian. James looked stunned. Everyone at the table had their eyes on them, looking back and forth between the two. Lily was offended and James looked hurt. He considered her for a few more moments before looking away.

"Fine," he muttered and stalked away.

"That was pretty harsh," I told her. She glared at me, too. I flinched.

"Whatever, he needed to hear it. It's about time someone told him, the conceited prat."

"He's not conceited…he's just intimately aware of his best qualities," Lydia murmured from behind her book. Us guys laughed.

"Yeah, right," I told her, "and Sirius hasn't been around, he's just a previously enjoyed companion." Even Lily laughed that time. Sirius didn't seem to mind, either. He may be faithful to his girlfriend, but he goes through them like a fish through water.

"Lily?" Lydia asked quietly, tugging on her friend's robe. "He wasn't really being full of himself. He knows I don't like the attention so he was diverting it to himself. James was helping me." She stared at Lydia.

"I…I'm sorry."

"Tell him that," Peter told her, rather bravely, I might add. It wasn't like him to tell someone what to do. But then, as much as he idolized James, I guess it shouldn't be that surprising. She sat back in her chair.

"I might," she said, though more so to herself. Sirius turned back at Lydia.

"You know what I can't figure out? How did you swing Gryffindor? No offense, but you're afraid to be looked at, for cryin' out loud." She blushed heavily and looked down at her lap, ashamed.

"There are many kinds of bravery and courage," I pointed out harshly. Sometimes that boy didn't know how to think. He just says what he wants and hopes his charm can get him out of it. Lily looked ready to slap him.

"So…" she murmured, "So you like it when I speak up? Say what comes to my mind? Fine. I learned something interesting…Do you know how to keep an idiot in suspense?" Sirius flashed a dazzling smile.

"How, angel?"

Lydia stood up and walked out the library.

Lily and I almost fell out of our chairs, laughing. Sirius couldn't seem to decide whether to laugh or look offended. Peter just stared at the door.

"I don't get it. How?"

Lydia's POV

I was on my way back to my room when a few girls from Ravenclaw ambushed me. They saw me coming and ran over to block my way. One of them, a really tall one with curly blonde hair and deep red lips, pulled out her wand.

"Diffendo." My skirt ripped all over. The severing charm even grazed my legs in a couple places, making a few shallow cuts.

"That was a warning. Stay away from Sirius, you little slut. You have no right to him! If you keep trying to seduce him, it'll be a lot worse than a torn up skirt." And with that, they walked away. That was it.

"But…but I'm not after Sirius…" I mumbled, way too late.

Remus' POV

Late that night, I lay in my four-poster, thinking about what to do. _Lydia is probably still mad at Sirius. What he said was throwing a spotlight on one of her biggest insecurities. However, that leaves a bit of an opening for me. It's obvious that she's more at ease around me, but that could also be because she sees me as a friend and has a huge crush on him. And even if I did pursue her and she agreed to go out with me, then what? We won't be able to get serious because of what I am. And what about Sirius?_ I looked over at his bed. _What would become of our friendship? I really like her, but…if that means throwing away one of my best friends…_

"You still awake, Moony?" came a whisper from Sirius' bed.

"Yeah." He opened a curtain to see me better; mine were already open.

"You like her, don't you?" I looked away.

"Who?"

"Don't play stupid. Lydia." I didn't answer.

"Thought so. You look at her a lot. And you get mad whenever I'm near her. I just wanted you to know, I like her, too. But that doesn't mean it's the end of our friendship, does it?" I could only stare at him. We had been best friends for three years. Only three years, and it was like he could read my mind. _Am I that transparent?_

"Why?"

"Hm?"

"Why do you like her?" I asked. "She's not really your type." He turned so that instead of lying on his side, he was on his stomach, facing me.

"That's just it, Moony. She's such a change of pace. I mean, she's cute. Really cute. Those wide, innocent brown eyes that when you can finally get her to make eye contact, you melt. Her lips look so soft and inviting. And she's curvy, y'know. Definitely a change from those lovely willowy girls I usually go for. I think the big thing is her innocence, really, though. It's like with dessert. Cake is great. It's rich, sensual, and makes you need a cool drink afterward. But ice cream is a nice change. It's soft and delicate and pure…and if you take your time with it, it gets melty, sticky, and all over you." I sat up and stared at him in astonishment.

"You want to corrupt her," I accused, the thought really sinking in. I didn't think he was serious on the train. He shrugged.

"She makes me want to hold her and keep her safe, but at the same time, yeah, I think I do want to corrupt her. If you have to put it that way."

"That's just…wrong," I told him. He smirked.

"That's the point." He yawned. "Listen, if you like her, go after her. I won't stop you. But don't expect me to back down either. Win or lose, we're still friends, right?" I laid back down.

"I hope so."

"Good," he yawned again and rolled over. "Then may the best man win." I stared at the ceiling of my bed. He was right about her being cute. She often wore her hair down, so her wavy brown locks bounced on her back when she walked. Tendrils of it framed her face and hid her eyes when she looked down. I loved her eyes, though. They were the color of chocolate. I love chocolate. She was sweet and shy and when she spoke up, it was always amusing. But I didn't want him to corrupt her. I enjoyed her innocence. I wanted to make her feel brave and confident…the way she makes me feel sometimes. _I have to win her over. I can't let Sirius take away who she is._ _I'll figure out the rest afterwards._


	4. Chapter 4

Lydia's POV

I lay on my bed, doing my homework. The room was empty, so it was a lot quieter than the Common Room. Lily came in and sat on her bed, facing me.

"I apologized to Po- to James." _Ooooh. Big step. She called him James. _

"That's good. I'm proud of you," I told her, happily. She shrugged, blushing a little.

"I'm glad you told me when you did. But he's still an insufferable brat." I smiled, knowing better than to disagree with her. She got up to put her books back into her trunk.

"I think I know something you don't," she said in a teasing voice. She was baiting me, but I couldn't help it. Curiosity is in my nature. I HAVE to know when someone does that. And she knew it.

"What?" I asked, closing my Herbology assignment into my book so I wouldn't lose the page.

"Someone seems to be fond of you. Two someones in fact," she told me, a huge smirk on her face. I frowned.

"You look like Black with that smirk," I told her, a little annoyed. _Boys don't like me. They don't even know I'm there. And I like it that way…don't I? _She waved the comment aside, but stopped smirking anyway.

"And Black is one of them. That Lupin seems to like you, too." I treated her to a flat look then went back to my assignment.

"Oh, come on! You told me yourself that Lupin has been sitting next to you in Ancient Runes. And Black near leapt over a desk to ask you to be his Transfiguration partner."

"That doesn't mean-" She near hopped onto my bed to sit next to me.

"Sure it does! And don't you remember the way Black was pawing at you on the train? After all, you're his 'angel' remember?" I felt my cheeks heat up.

"Doesn't mean a thing. He's a player and hits on plenty of girls."

"But word around the school is that he hasn't been with any girl this year." I looked away. _So that's why those girls were so mad. He hasn't been bothering anyone but me._ Lily just kept talking.

"And you should see the way Lupin glares at him. He goes out of his way to talk to you too, doesn't he?" I nodded slightly, the blush darkening. "See? Two cuties after you. Even if Black isn't good for you, it says something for your looks, doesn't it? After all, he is the most popular guy in school." _The most popular guy in school had a thing for me? That's ridiculous. _I bit my lip. _And why is it that the most gorgeous and popular guy in school is allegedly after me and all I can think about is Remus?_

"So, do you like one of them?" Lily asked, her smile broadening. I picked up my quill and started scribbling furiously on my paper.

"Aw, come on! Tell me," she chided. "I can keep a secret." I looked up at her.

"I like James." She was so startled, she fell of the bed.

"WHHHHAT?"

"Jealous?" She jumped to her feet to stare at me as if I went insane.

"Of course not! But him of all people?" I looked at her with innocent, wide eyes.

"Not really. I was only joking. I just wanted to see how mad you'd get if I mentioned I liked your man." She looked like she was about to explode. I ran and hid in the safety of the Grounds, knowing she wouldn't look for me there. _I hope she cools down soon. That parchment is due tomorrow._ Then, realizing how much she had blushed when I mentioned that he was her man, I smiled and settled down to watch the giant squid play in the lake.

It was just after my Herbology class (my last class of the day) that the Marauders found Lily and me in the Library. If what Lily said was true, then they were seeking me out for a reason (a reason that made my face heat up, to boot) It was quite awkward sometimes, the way they did this, shy as I am. Though admittedly, it had gotten easier for me to talk to them. Sirius motioned for me to quietly join them behind a bookshelf.

"It's a game the rest of us play," Sirius explained to me. "See, James asks Evans out so often, we try to predict how long it takes for her to tell him to get lost." I nodded, uncertain. "My bet is a minute. What's yours?" he asked me. _On the spot again_.

"Umm, she's in a good mood, so two minutes?" I murmured. Sirius gave me a dazzling smile, but all it did was make me think of those Ravenclaw meanies.

"OK. Remus?" Lupin considered a moment.

"Forty seconds."

"I'll take a minute and a half," Peter put in. Sirius winked at me.

"Let's change it up a little. Prize will be me giving a kiss to the winner." I blushed furiously and no words would form in my mind. "There's James! Ready with the minute glass, Remus?" Sirius asked. Remus nodded, though looking very annoyed. _Was Lily really right?_

James started talking to Lily.

10 seconds

She seemed annoyed already.

20 seconds

He flirted and flashed a lively smile.

30 seconds

Lily slammed her book shut and walked off.

42 seconds.

Remus was closest. Sirius hadn't anticipated this. James had been doing better with her. She'd been talking to him for a few minutes at a time now, unless she was in a hurry. Mainly because of the other day. What I said last night had probably put her in a mood. Whoops.

"What happens now?" Peter asked, confused. _Remus won. Surely Sirius won't go through with the kiss thing._ I was wrong. Sirius shrugged.

"Better luck next time, angel." Then he kissed Remus full on the mouth and walked away. Peter ran after him and James followed them dejectedly. Remus was still standing next to me, a mixed look of shock and disgust on his slender, pretty face. Blushing furiously, I was able to give the poor boy a consoling pat on the shoulder then walked back to my table. It was just then I realized that my study partner had left.

"May I sit here?" Remus asked, having gotten over his ah…prize. I nodded. "Charms? Hmm. I'm not that great at Charms or I'd offer to help you out," he told me sweetly. _I love that voice. It's so warm and caring…_

"I'm not that great either. That's why Lily was helping me."

"Hm, well we could put our heads together and come up with something decent," he offered. "I haven't done it yet, anyway." I thought for a moment, again thinking about what Lily had told me. _What's wrong with me? I can have help on a paper without it being a date. _

"I'd like that," I whispered. Most people had to ask me two or more times what I said when I whispered. Not Remus. He heard me just fine. _In fact, he's never asked me to repeat anything. He really listens._ _And even if he does like me, that wouldn't be a bad thing, would it? _

"I'm glad you're feeling better," I mentioned as I gave him some spare parchment and dug out an extra quill. He had left right after dinner two days ago and, to be honest, he looked like hell. _He still looks pretty worn out, but a lot better than he did then. _Remus looked away, probably embarrassed. _He probably thinks that I think he's weak for getting so sick all the time. It only lasts for about a day each time, but if this is a sickness St. Mungo's can't cure, then that really says something if Pomfrey can suppress it for him. Poor guy. _"I…I don't think you're weak, Remus," I murmured. He sort of stared at me, but I don't know what he was thinking. Instead, I just shook my head.

"I came to see you, but Madam Pomfrey said it wasn't safe to come close. Sorry," I continued. He shook his head fervently.

"No, it's fine. I…can get quite contagious sometimes. But I really appreciate you coming to see me. It was really sweet of you." All I could do was smile but that seemed to be all he wanted. Remembering what we were doing there, the two of us spent the next few hours completing the Charms homework assigned to our class.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks everyone who messaged 3

Lydia's POV

I walked down to the quidditch pitch with Lily, Remus, and Peter the next day. It was a bright, sunny Saturday, too. The guys had invited us to sit with them and a smirking Lily had accepted before I had a chance to open my mouth. She made sure I sat next to Lupin, too. A few minutes after we were all seated, the Gryffindor and Slytherin teams came onto the pitch. I have to admit, Sirius looked _good_ in that uniform.

"That's weird," Lily said to herself. I looked at her curiously. She lowered her binoculars and looked at me, a little confused. "Potter has been playing seeker since his fifth year. Why is he playing chaser again?" I suppressed a laugh. _So she has been paying attention to him._

"McKennok got in trouble so he has to sit out this game. We have a back-up seeker, but not a chaser. So James is playing it today," Remus explained, a small smile lingering on his face. Apparently he caught Lily, too. A shrill whistle rang through the staduim. The teams rose into the air. Lily was watching James soar around with the quaffle and cheered with the rest of the crowd when he scored the first goal. He played differently as a chaser. I think it's because it had been a while since he last really played chaser, he was concentrating on it; he didn't have time to showboat. The Slytherin beater sent a bludger right at James, who just barely missed getting hit. Lily gasped as her hands flew in front of her mouth. Wanting Remus' attention without drawing Lily's, I placed my hand on his. He looked at our hands in surprise then up at my face. I smiled a little and tilted my head toward our red-headed friend. He looked at her and smiled, holding up his other hand and crossing his first two fingers for luck. It was about time, really. Now she just had to admit it out loud.

Another roar from the crowd brought your attention back to the game. Benson just scored another goal on the Slytherin keeper. It was 60-10 Gryffindor favor now. They might have been doing better if Sirius hadn't been such an amazing beater; he kept striking them at the other team at just the right points. That was one of the team's best strategies. Sirius was an offensive beater while the other one (I don't know his name, but he's a fourth year) was defensive. Both of the Slytherin beaters sent the bludgers straight at Sirius. He deflected both of them, knocking out one of their chasers at the same time. I stood up and cheered with the rest of the Gryffindors. Remus wolf-whistled and applauded, but I think I felt his eyes on me. _That's just ridiculous. I'm only thinking like this because of what Lily told me. It's stupid and conceited. _The game went on for about another twenty minutes before Gryffindor caught the snitch.

The after-game party was loud, late, and fun. Yep, fun. I was there. Well, I didn't want to be at first because of all the people, but Sirius insisted that he had to have ALL of his friends to celebrate the Gryffindor victory. He also quietly pointed out that if I was there, Lily wouldn't worry about me being alone and James could try to win Lily over some more. Which meant that he was going to brag. Idiot. Everyone was dancing, laughing, and eating (the Marauders nicked stuff from the kitchens), more than enough to pay minimal attention to me.

"Come on! Dance with me!" Sirius said, coming up from behind and placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Ummm."

"Great!" _That wasn't a 'yes.'_ Here's the thing- I'm not that great of a dancer. Well, let me re-phrase. I don't dance the way other girls dance (especially with Sirius). I tried to move to the music playing loudly from the radio, but I just felt awkward in the middle of everything. Guys were looking over, interested to see who had Black's eye this time, and girls glared, for very obvious reasons.

Lily, my love, my goddess, my savior, Lily, swept in like a red-headed angel and saved me. Laughing casually, she took my hands and led me over to where some girls were dancing in a group. It wasn't near as scary over there. After a bit more dancing (and laughing when Lily shot James down _again_), I slipped away and out the portrait hole for a bit of fresh air. To my surprise, Remus was sitting outside, reading a book. He looked up with a bright smile.

"Needed a break, too?" he asked. I smiled and sat next to him.

"Something like that. You know, your friend can be pretty demanding." He snorted.

"Which one?" he asked. I stared. His smile fell and he turned back to his book.

"Ahh. That one." I frowned.

"What's wrong?" I asked. He considered my question for a little bit. I was afraid he wasn't going to answer. And here I thought we could talk about almost anything. "I can keep a secret." He narrowed his eyes a little before looking at me strangely.

"And what would _you_ know of secrets?" he asked; the voice sounded rather teasing. _A little and a lot. No one knows I'm ever there so they say things in front of me they wouldn't in front of others. I've never actually been told a secret, but I've kept all of theirs. Besides, whom would I tell them to, anyway? _I looked away, seemingly ashamed.

"I have a dark secret that I haven't told anyone." His face remained easy, but his eyes showed how curious he was. "I…I wouldn't mind telling you, though," I said, facing him again. He nodded and took my hand, as if the contact would comfort me. I would've felt bad about this if my heart hadn't started racing suddenly. "Every month, I go through this transformation." His hand squeezed mine a little tighter. "I become a horrid beast. Bloodlust runs through me. Sometimes it's so bad…I almost bite people's heads off." Remus suddenly took me into a hug. He was shaking.

"It's alright. I understand. More than you can imagine." I blinked.

"Does that mean…you're a girl, too?"

Remus' POV

_A girl? This whole time she was talking about her…her monthly?_ I was aware that I had been shaking a little, but I stopped cold. _That was a little too close to the mark. Watch yourself, Moony. She might know something and she might not. Tread lightly. _I held her out at arm's length, eyes serious.

"Yes. I am also a girl who goes through that nightmare. This too, is my dark secret. But please, tell no one. If the others found out…especially Sirius…it could be my purity he comes after next." She kept eye contact with me the entire while, trying to make her face full of understanding. It wasn't working. A smile kept tugging at her lips. Finally, she burst into laughter and had to clutch her sides. I laughed as well, but nowhere near as heartily. When Lydia was finally able to look up, I noticed tears streaming down her face. _It wasn't that funny, was it?_ After a few minutes, she finally caught her breath and calmed down.

"You still haven't told me," she reminded me. I shrugged.

"I was just thinking that friends can be quite annoying at times." She nodded and agreed with me.

"Do you really have a secret?" I asked hesitantly. She twiddled her thumbs, all hints of her smile gone. It was sad; I really like her smile. Lydia shrugged, uncertain.

"You don't have to tell me. It's fine," I told her quickly. Besides, it's not like I'm going to tell her mine.

"I shouldn't be in Gryffindor," she whispered. _Merlin's beard- she actually told me._

"What do you mean?"

"The Sorting Hat thought I'd do better in Hufflepuff. I pleaded with it, begging not to be there. At the time I thought being a Slytherin would be better than a Duffer. I know better now, of course, but still. I don't belong here. Really, I don't belong anywhere. How could I be loyal when I've had no one to be loyal to? I'm not that witty or ambitious. Merlin knows I'm not brave…I don't fit anywhere." _So that was it. She wants to belong. Wait is- is she crying?_ Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around her as I did earlier. She buried her face into my chest so I put my chin on her head, savoring the feeling. She smelled so nice- like lavender. It was sweet and calming.

"Ooh annt oors."

"Sorry?" I inquired, releasing my hold (regretfully).

"And what's yours?" she asked. I wanted her to smile again. She's so pretty when she smiles.

"I already told you," I said as I stood up and offered a hand, which she took to help herself up. I reached down to get my book then faced her. "I'm a girl," I said and went through the portrait hole (after saying the password).

"Nuh-uh! That's not fair! You have to tell me yours!" she protested as she climbed after me.

"Wow. I didn't know you could be that loud," I said over my shoulder, teasing her again. She wasn't deterred. Lydia grabbed my hand and tugged so I would turn around.

"You're being mean. I thought we were friends." She had on an adorable puppy pout. Her eyes were big and sad, as if I just told her I hated kittens_._ I tapped her on the nose.

"I'll tell you later." Lydia frowned. She still hadn't let go of my hand. "I promise. Cross my heart." I know she couldn't help but be curious- it's one of her cutest flaws. After all, it's only cause of her curiosity that she gets into trouble. I still hadn't forgotten the explosion that happened when she did exactly what was she wasn't supposed to do in Potions class just because she was told something bad would happen. My expression softened and I leaned close so I could whisper into her ear.

"I'm just not ready to tell, yet. You understand, don't you?" When I pulled back, her eyes were once again wide, but this time with shock. I think she didn't realize how pushy she had been.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Remus," she said quickly. I waved it off.

"Don't worry. It's fine." She smiled weakly before saying a quick goodnight and running off to her room, choosing to sleep rather than enjoy the rest of the party. Well, sleep probably wouldn't come, but I'd had enough partying for one night, too.

Lydia's POV

Our first Transfiguration test was coming up. McGonagall had given us plenty of time to study- 10 or 11 days, actually. But I didn't actually get cracking until a couple days beforehand. I had been studying on my bed until everyone wanted to sleep. Not wanting to work by candlelight or keep them up with a greater light, I went into the common room. Three people were still awake and studying, one of which was Remus, who had claimed one of the window seats. I hesitated, but only briefly. Finally, I swallowed and walked up to him.

"Do you mind?" He looked up, surprised, then moved his book bag to the floor, indicating for me to take the now open space. I did and went back to reading. It was strange. It wasn't like I couldn't study elsewhere. Instead, I had chosen to be somewhat sociable. This had been happening more and more often (by choice) when it came to the Marauders. Well, this Marauder, anyway. It felt like he was guiding me out of my shell instead of yanking me out (like another boy I could mention). After about another hour of studying, I closed my book and stretched.

"Going to bed?" Remus asked, closing his own.

"Nah. Not really sleepy. Tired, for sure, but my brain needs to cool off." He nodded his understanding and looked out the window. The placid lake reflected a half moon and many stars. It was so pretty.

"I love the moon," I breathed, "and the stars. Stars are my favorite. As long as you know how to look at them, they can always guide you, wherever you need to go."

"So that's why you've always aced Astronomy; it's your passion," the amber-eyed Marauder observed. I blushed. Not because of the nerdy good grades or anything, but because he had known. He had noticed. _I guess being noticed meant more to me than I thought._

"I've always liked them. They're a map of the heavens. I've always been afraid of being lost, so I memorized as many maps as I could. That included most of the constellations." He looked outside again.

"I'm not quite afraid of being lost…just alone." I stared with mixed feelings. Part of me felt for him and another couldn't help but feel glad he finally told me. My curiosity had been sated (which had been gnawing at me for a while now, let me tell you!).

"Being alone is scary. I was scared of it too, a long time ago," I confided. "But, when I realized that I was going to be alone no matter what, I convinced myself that I didn't need anyone and being alone wasn't so bad. Meanies make that easier to believe, anyway." I laughed bitterly. "See? I'm not brave. I just run away from my fear, lying to myself."

"Perhaps, but you made friends anyway, didn't you? Lily is your friend. I am. You may not have really realized it, but you've stepped up. Maybe that's why the Sorting Hat put you in here- it saw potential and wanted you to realize it as well. Besides, didn't you work through your lost thing?" I hadn't thought of it that way before.

"Thank you."

"Everyone has plenty of fears. Courage is working through them and not letting them decide for you. I…I'm still working on a few of those." I laughed.

"What? You afraid that if you actually try to turn on the charm, girls will be all over you?" Then I realized what I said. "Oh. Knowing how Sirius goes through them, staying away from a lot of those girls is probably a good idea."

"That's horrible," he laughed. I ducked my head, but didn't apologize. He knew it was a joke meant in good fun. We talked for a while longer but only half of me was paying attention to the conversation. The thing is, the later it got, strange thoughts started going through my head. When he would speak, I'd watch his lips and wonder what it would be like to kiss them. I'd find myself watching his hands, trying to imagine him caressing me with them. I already knew what it was like to melt into his eyes, but that just made me want to again. _'Ask him to Hogsmeade if you're so hung up on him,' my rational mind told me. But what if he doesn't feel the same way? 'Lily reckons he does.' But what if she's wrong? I don't want to get shot down. 'Then ask him without asking him.' Perfect! Wait, what? 'Ask about a friend.'_ I'm not psychotic, I swear. It's just…I didn't realize I might have fallen for him until now. And realizing that when the young man in question is talking to you- it's pretty hard.

"Um, can you help me out with a problem?" I asked during a lull in the conversation, knowing this was probably a bad idea. He smiled cheerfully.

"I'll do the best I can." Nodding, I started to twirl my hair in anxiousness.

"You see…there's this girl I've been listening to in Herbology. She talks to her friends, but they don't know what to do and I figured if you knew, I might be able to help her out." He watched me, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips, but he didn't say anything; I continued. "She thinks she likes this guy. He's always around her and makes her feel better about herself. But he's also pretty popular, so she's worried. Should she just suck it up and ask him out, or should she wait for him to do it, or should she not bother and forget about him?" Remus was pensive. But he also looked a little sad. It made me want to hug him, like he 'comforted' me a while back.

"I…I think she should ask him," he said, not meeting my gaze. "If he doesn't ask her out, it could be because he's worried that she doesn't like him. Someone has to make the first move and if it's not going to be him, then why not?" He looked at me now, eyes almost begging me to say something. _As seriously as he answered that question, he just might believe about 'herbology girl.' _

"But what if he doesn't like her back?"

"If she's half as cute as you, she has nothing to worry about." I think I blushed, but he didn't say anything about it, and for that, I was grateful.

"Alright. I'll let her know. Thanks. That information was really helpful." He looked very put out but managed a smile anyway. I yawned, not realizing how late it had become. Packing my things, I told him, "I'm going to bed. Thanks again. You're a life saver. Goodnight, Remus."

"Night, Lydia," he said with a halfhearted wave and packed up his things as well.

Remus' POV

"Tch. Figures," I mumbled. _'Herbology girl,' yeah right. She was asking about herself and if she liked me, she would've taken that opening. Hell, I should've taken that opening. I want to ask her out, but every time I try, I get tongue tied and remember what I am. It wouldn't be fair to her. _After half-tossing my books next to my bed, I changed, ignoring the sound sleepers around me. _She said he was popular and makes her feel good about herself. Who fits that bill best other than Padfoot? He loves to give her complements and calls her 'angel' and all that. Here I thought she didn't care for the nickname. Maybe she's like Lily and just acts like she doesn't care for the guy she likes or what he does. Damn. Why do girls have to be so cursed hard to figure out? _Then it hit me. I felt my stomach drop the same way it did the first day I stepped onto a sinking stair. _She asked me. As a friend. She asked me a girlie question as a friend. _Yeah, my mind was goin pretty slow. _She likes Sirius and asked me about it because I'm a mutual friend and that's all she sees me as. Why would she ask me that scenario if she wanted to ask me out or wanted me to ask her out? That's just…silly._

Thirteen days. It has been thirteen days. And…she still hasn't said a word about it to me (granted, Sirius hasn't said anything either). I came about an inch away from asking her out like twenty times, but I couldn't manage it. _Shit! Why am _I _in Gryffindor? _Miserably, I trudged down the stairs to breakfast.

"Hey, don't worry about it. It's not like detention with Slughorn is going to be _that_ bad," James told me cheerfully as he caught up with me. I shrugged.

"At least we don't have it this weekend. That could've been nasty," he went on and walked on into the Great Hall. Breakfast smelled good, but I was too upset with myself (and a bit with a certain someone) to really enjoy it. I glanced down the table at Lydia. She looked pale and was pushing her eggs around her plate without eating any. _I swear, if she's starving herself and making herself sick to slim down just to ask him out, I'm going to strangle her. _Lily was sitting next to her, watching her with great amusement. _Ok, she's not starving herself- Evans wouldn't allow it. Then what's wrong?_ Lily laughed and gave her friend a playful shove, telling her something that I couldn't make out.

"You know what would be hot? Girl on girl action with Lily and Lydia," James said loud enough for just us to hear as he watched them. I looked at him with wide eyes, indignant that he thought he had the right to think about my- er- about Lydia like that. (Admittedly, the thought did have its merits) Peter had turned bright red and Sirius was watching the two with interest, as if trying to imagine it. Nope, not trying. I know that pervy face.

"Um, Remus? Could I talk to you?" I turned around, horrified. Lydia was standing there, looking very serious. _Did she hear him? Why am I in trouble? I'm sorry! _I could only nod slowly and get up. James was whiter than I was. If Lily found out, he'd be six feet under. Lydia led the way out of the Great Hall and a little down the hallway so we could hear each other and not be disturbed.

"I'm sorry?" I blurted. She looked confused.

"About what?" _Oh, thank Merlin, she didn't hear us._

"Oh, nothing. Sorry. What did you want to talk about?" I asked quickly. She looked at her feet and started to play with the ends of her hair.

"Actually, I should be the one apologizing. It's taken me so long to gather my wits about me, you know. It's just…well…kind of about Sirius." My heart dropped and it took all my willpower for my face not to follow suit. "I'm not conceited and I'm not sure if I really believe it, but a flower told me that both you and Sirius liked me. Would your friendship be in danger if I asked one of you out?" Her cheeks were bright red by now.

"In a case like that, we're friends. We'd be fine," I told her, though more so to convince myself. She nodded.

"That's a relief. In that case…would…would…um, would you maybe go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?" I couldn't see her face anymore; she had her head down to cover her embarrassment. I wanted to laugh and scream with frustration at the same time. _Of all times for this to work out, she had to ask me for the day right after my transformation. I won't be a wolf by that point, but I usually spend a good half of the day after recovering. Maybe Madam Pomfrey will give me quick patch job._ Apparently, my thoughts were taking too long because now her head was back up, even though she wouldn't make eye contact.

"I guess my friend was wrong. Sorry, I wasted your time," she said, eyes a little glassy.

"No! Wait, my bad. You just took me by surprise, is all. For a minute there, I didn't believe what you just said. I'd love to go out with you," I reassured her with a broad smile that I felt with every inch of my being. "Though, technically, I should be asking you out." She shrugged and chewed her lip a little before opening her mouth to say something. "Which means next time I'll have to ask you. I didn't mean to be such an idiot," I told her, wanting to get it all said before I lost my nerve again. "I just thought you had a thing for Sirius." Lydia shook her head violently.

"He's gorgeous, don't get me wrong, but not my type," she told me with a small smile. I put my arm around her shoulders and started walking back to the Great Hall.

"There's just something I don't understand," I told her. "Why would you ask me the 'should my friend ask him out' when I was the one you were talking about. That's rather silly, wouldn't you say?" Lydia looked up at me with a wide smile, chocolate brown eyes crinkling in mirth.

"Maybe not so silly. After all, you thought I was talking about Sirius." She got me there. With a shy wave, she went back to sit with Lily and the girls, who all leaned forward to listen about what just happened. It was about the same thing at my end of the table.

"Are we dead, Moony?" James asked quietly.

"No, Prongs, otherwise our friend wouldn't be smiling like that," Sirius said with an odd look on his face. It was mingled pride and disappointment. I nodded to confirm what he already knew.

"I just got a date with Lydia Matthews."

note: ok, just sayin: in the books, it implies that james plays seeker (always messin with the snitch, tryin to look cool) and JK said that he played chaser. why not both? ginny did... ^_^ also, yay! thanks again, everyone


	6. Chapter 6

First, I want to give a big thanks to all the people who've given me reviews so far: greenluvr14, PhoenixOfIce, forestreject, Moonlight Calls, DarkViolets, OliveYew, and everyone else. Thanks so much. Hope ya'll enjoy it 3

Lydia's POV

I met Remus at the door to the Entrance Hall Saturday afternoon. Oh, he looked bad. He was very pale and he had dark circles under his eyes.

"Hi," he said with a weak smile. His voice was raspy. I felt horrible. He had gotten sick again last night and now he dragged himself out of the hospital wing for our date.

"We can go some other time," I told him. Remus shook his head and offered a hand, which I took and tried not to blush. It was clammy. "Are you sure? I don't want you to get worse." His smile was warm and it made him look a little less tired.

"That's sweet, but honest, I'm fine." I smiled, but made a mental note to not let him run around anywhere. We walked down to Hogsmeade, hand in hand.

"So what do you want to do first?" he asked. "We have Zonko's, Honeydukes, some other stores, Three Broomsticks…the Shrieking Shak…Madam Puddyfoots," he added in a teasing voice. I made a face. Madam Puddyfoot's was not my style in the least. It was so…fruity.

"Honeydukes?" I asked quietly, not used to making these decisions.

"Sounds good."

Apparently, it wasn't as good of an idea as I thought. I had just picked out some slabs of chocolate and sugar quills when some very familiar voices called out to us.

"Hey, guys. Fancy seeing you here," James said happily. Sirius and Peter were with them. They all had arms full of candy. James took my arm and led me away from Remus. "Do you think you could tell me the kind of candy Lily would like? I mean, none of her friends will help me out… I don't know why. Please? I'll buy you a butterbeer for it." I looked over at Remus, who was talking to the other two boys; he looked kind of annoyed. When I looked back at James, he had on his saddest puppy eyes. Sighing, I gave him a short list of her favorite candies. Oddly enough, all that were listed were already in arms. He wanted to make sure he remembered right. And he did. Admittedly, I was rather impressed.

Once we all checked out, James insisted that we all go to Zonko's together. Remus tried to tell them that this was _our_ date and we wanted to be left alone, but they didn't seem to understand. _I guess after doing everything together for so long, breaking apart is a little unnatural for them. Oh well. It's a weird date, but it's still my date. I'm happy so long as the two of us are together. Besides, it's not like we were going to go off and snog somewhere. _I blushed at the thought and turned to look at some of the strange things in the shop. They were all buying something or another. Sirius and James' bags were a lot bigger than the other two. _Really, guys? And after the lot of you had detention a few days ago? And not even a week before that? _I didn't ask out loud- there was no point.

"Have you gone by the Shrieking Shak?" Sirius asked. I shook my head. Remus only barely shook his, but he had an odd expression on his face. I couldn't place it, though.

"Would you like to?" Sirius asked me, a sly grin on his face. For some reason, his smile made me uneasy. It was like he was laughing at me, or sharing a secret perhaps. I slipped my hand into Remus' again and shook my head. All three were watching me closer than usual; it made me feel even more uneasy- like they were sizing me up.

"No, thank you."

"Scared?" Peter asked, curious. Again, I shook my head.

"No. I've seen it. Nothing much to see, really."

"Even if it's supposed to be haunted?" James put in, moving his fingers around to underline the spooky part.

"The castle is haunted. So what?" I didn't get the big deal. Remus seemed to be breathing easier now, but his hand was still clammy.

"What now?" he asked. _Oh, his voice! It's gotten worse. We need to go inside._

"The Three Broomsticks?" I asked, just wanting to get indoors. They all agreed and James even came through on that butterbeer. They were talking and laughing about silly things- just being themselves- when I felt a hand lightly touch my thigh. I looked at Remus, slightly surprised and greatly embarrassed. He smirked a little and leaned toward my head.

"I'm sorry. Next time, we'll have our date alone. I promise. That is, if you still want to." He leaned back, waiting for my answer. I smiled and put my hand over his (the one on my leg).

"I would like that."

Remus' POV

That next Monday in Transfiguration, McGonagall had us get into pairs again. I wasn't about to have a repeat of the last time. I was almost at her desk when Lily playfully bumped up against her. _Crap._ But then Lydia did something unexpected. She ducked her head and said something to Lily, who smiled widely. Lydia got up, put her things together, and joined me at my table. (James wasted no time in securing the seat next to Evans.)

"Partner?" she asked timidly. _She said no to Lily to be my partner._ She took my large smile as a 'yes.' Today's assignment was to turn tiny pumpkins into tiny carriages. It seemed very Cinderella. Lydia was already making some notes on a scratch piece of parchment, breaking down the steps of the project. Smiling, I shook my head and opened my book so I could refresh on what exactly needed to be done.

"Inside or out?" I asked, offering her first choice of changing the outside of the carriage or the inside.

"Outside, please," she said, though still writing. After a few more minutes, she picked up her wand and started working on the complicated movements. She started humming something while the pumpkin transformed, growing rounder and turning white. It took me a minute to realize it was that 'bippidy boppidy boo' song from Cinderella.

"Is that why you wanted the outside? So you could play fairy godmother?"

"Maybe," she replied, cheeks tingeing on pink. Smiling, I leaned in close to whisper, "I think it's cute." I could smell her. Not just that lavender scent, but _her._ _She smells sweet, warm, rich, succulent…tasty._ I know it's weird to think of those as scents, but to me, they are. Or, they are to what I am. It was only a few days after my transformation and usually I only went primal on chocolate. But I've never been this close to a girl (especially one I like) right after. During the Hogsmeade visit, the wind blew away her…delicious scent. Also, I probably wasn't close enough, anyway. Cautiously, I sat back and, casually as I could, pushed my chair back away from her. The last thing I needed was to start chewing on her during class. It's days like today I remember how much I hate myself. _And I make it even worse by forcing myself to forget what I am when I'm near her now. Now, I'm just being selfish._ But even knowing that, I wasn't going to give her up.

Lydia's POV

Not that Friday, but the one after, I got roped into one of the Marauder's games again. The same one as last time, actually. It was right after our Defense Against the Dark Arts class. I was getting ready to walk out the door when an excited Sirius stopped me. James ran out of the classroom to catch up with his lovely redhead. Remus put a finger to his lips to indicate we should be quiet then slowly stepped out of the room. We followed.

"Lily!" Potter called out. She halted, aware that she couldn't just ignore him outright. Not that she really wanted to ignore him, but she didn't know that part yet. James ran to catch up with her.

"This time, Lydia gives a kiss to the winner," Sirius whispered.

"What? No way," Remus hissed at him angrily. Black turned to face him completely, giving his slender friend one of his most seductive smiles (not that I've seen them .).

"If you wanted another kiss from me, you could've just said so, Moony." Remus went pink before consenting. _What? I don't get a say in this? Why do I have to? _But, as usual, I didn't say anything. _I better not be seen as a slag for this stuff._

"Bets," Sirius said quickly- James was almost at the end of the hall.

"One minute," I said automatically.

"Two," Peter piped up.

"I don't know, she looks ticked off," Remus murmured, "thirty seconds."

"I don't give him ten today," Sirius whispered and none too soon. James caught up with Lily. Remus took out his minute timer and started. Ten…("Damn it.") Twenty…Thirty…(sigh of defeat)…Forty…Fifty…One minute…("Wow.") One ten…One twenty…

And they walked away together, talking. About what, I don't know. But I want to. That's ok, she'll tell me later. Peter was looking back and forth between the other two guys, unsure of what just happened. The tension between the three was palpable. _Stupid guys._ I shook my head with a small smile and gave the round-faced boy a peck on the cheek then left. I couldn't stand around waiting for them to be done being idiots. It was just a small kiss. Besides, I have an Ancient Runes essay due Monday and I didn't want to lose my whole weekend to homework.


	7. Chapter 7

Lydia's POV

He was right. The next trip into Hogsmeade, we had free of the other Marauders. James and Sirius had gotten caught slipping something into Snape's cauldron during Potions class. They weren't allowed the weekend into town, so Peter opted to stay with them. Lily was staying at the castle to do homework, so James didn't mind too much.

"So where to first?" I asked. He shrugged.

"Why don't we get those Filibuster Fireworks we promised the guys? Then we can get that done so we don't have to worry about it," he suggested. (They had given us some money to buy them some more fireworks) After that was done, we went everywhere else. We had fun for the first good bit of it. We went into Durvish and Bangs and I found a book on origami and charms that go with them. It would show how to fold the paper into, say, a crane, then it gives the instructions to make it fly and move like a crane. I was so excited by how cute the book was, Remus bought it for me. We went next door so I could get extra parchment and a paper knife to practice with.

At the Three Broomsticks, we sat at a table close to the back, drinking our butterbeer, looking at my new book, and picking out favorites.

"Dragonfly or butterfly?" I asked.

"Dragonfly," he replied.

"What's wrong with butterflies?" I asked, mock hurt.

"I don't like change," he replied softly. Or it could've just been soft because of how loud the place was.

"Change can be a good thing, though," I pointed out, blushing a little. Change had gotten me new friends, at the very least.

"Frog or lizard?" he asked, looking at the next page.

"Lizard," I said automatically. He nodded and turned the page, and the next one.

"Oi, go back," I told him. "You skipped a page. There. Dog or wolf?" Remus stared at the pictures for a minute before saying, "Dog."

"Huh. I like the wolf more." He looked surprised.

"Why? Dogs are loyal, playful, happy little things. Wolves are…dangerous."

"Yeah, but they're quiet and mysterious. And they like the night sky, like me." He shrugged. We played a little longer, but I was confused. _Is he really so put off by us not agreeing to every animal? That doesn't seem like him, but I don't know what else it could be. Did I say something wrong?_

"What _I_ hate are upstart whores who think they can corner the hot guys at school," a harsh voice said, interrupting my thoughts. Curious, I looked over at the table behind me. I wish I hadn't. Four familar girls were staring daggers at me. Feeling the color drain from my face, I tried to form a sentence. After a minute of me gaping like a fish, they sneered and left. I turned back to Remus, who had been trying out one of the origami charms.

"Got it!" he exclaimed happily. "What do you think? Is something wrong?" he asked, noticing my expression. The paper giraffe walked off the edge of the table; he didn't reach for it.

"Lydia?"

"Why are girls so mean?" I whispered.

"I don't know…what happened?" he asked. I looked away.

"Never mind. Let's get back to the castle. Dinner'll be ready soon," I told him. Though looking worried, he didn't push it; we walked back in silence.

I sat in the Common Room late that next Saturday night, working on some Astronomy I hadn't finished in class. Because I had claimed the window seat, I had plenty of room for my map and telescope. There were only a few things left to do. The next to last one on my list was to track Venus' and Mars' movements and projections and define what it meant. I picked up my telescope again and looked for Venus.

"There you are…and such a bright blue tonight…I wonder if that means anything…" I mumbled to myself as I marked its position on my map and made a few notes. Looking back outside, my eyes fell on the moon. It was full and silver-white. It's very pretty, for a giant rock that reflects the sun's light, anyway. But still pretty. Now the image of it reflected in the lake- _that_ was beautiful. Times like this I wished I could paint. The moon reflected on the calm water, the Whomping Willow looking deceptively still and peaceful, the dog and stag standing nearby- wait what? I picked up my telescope again and reset it to see what I thought I saw. And I did. A dog and a stag were sniffing around the willow. _And a rat? __Weird. Never seen a pair like that. They'd better move if they don't want to get whalloped. _Shaking my head, I pointed my spyglass back up to the sky.

"Now, where's Mars?" Something tugged at my attention. Why were a dog, a rat, and a stag hanging out together? What the hell? I pointed my telescope back down to the grounds, looking for any sign of them. But they were gone. Forcing the silliness from my mind, I went back to work so I could hopefully get a decent nights' sleep.

I was on my way to lunch after Charms on Wednesday when I was pounced on by Sirius. He was smiling widely.

"Today's the day!" he told me happily.

"Wednesday?" He shook his head at my guess, smiling wider.

"No. Today is the day that I win. Ready, Moony?" he asked, looking over my shoulder. I looked as well. Remus and Peter were walking up and Remus had his timer in his hand.

"Again?" I asked. "Doesn't this ever get boring to any of you?" They looked down the hallway; James was looking for Lily, his face anxious.

"Not really," Sirius told you. "Especially when you're the one giving out the prize kisses." My face reddened.

"Why do I have to be the one to dish these out?" I protested. Remus' gaze became worried- not worried that I'd stop, but worried about me.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Lydia. How inconsiderate of us," Sirius said and leaned his face very close to mine. "If you wanted a kiss instead, all you had to do was say so." Remus shoved him. Sirius took it as playful and laughed about it, but Remus was obviously annoyed. I don't know if I was starting to feel annoyed by Black or flattered. I think a little of both, really.

"He found her," Peter squeaked. We all looked over. The game was rather amusing, even if I'm not really a betting person.

"Thirty," said Remus, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

"One minute," Sirius said easily.

"They walk away together," I put in, actually hoping Lily gave the poor boy a chance.

"Aw, I was going to bet that. Ok, five minutes," Peter said, sad. Thirty seconds went by and I found myself seriously disappointed. Just as it almost hit one minute, Professor McGonagall went up to the two of them and said something before leaving…and taking the Head Girl with her. My eyes widened. That meant… I forced myself to look back at the guys. Sirius couldn't believe his luck. I hadn't seen him smirk like that before. _Just kiss him and get it over with. _I looked around and, with no Ravenclaws to be seen, pushed myself on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. He turned his head and our lips connected instead.

I was stunned. His lips were very soft and warm and made mine tingle. He pulled back, victory written over every part of his face.

"Thanks, angel." And he walked off to the staircase, whistling. Peter scampered to follow him. With a slight growl, Remus walked off in the other direction, leaving me by myself. I watched his retreating form. _Did I do something wrong?_

Remus' POV

Lydia found me in the Library about ten minutes later. I was still pissed off about Sirius' stunt.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, sitting next to me.

"Why?" I asked. "You don't have anything to be sorry for." _Except not pushing him away…_

"I thought you were mad at me…" she explained. _Not mad. Disappointed._

"I'm not mad at you," I sighed and buried my head in my arms. "This is just…complicated," I tried to explain.

"Why?" she asked, innocently. I groaned.

"It just- it just is." She was silent for a little bit.

"Do you know why I agree to play that silly game and give out the prizes?" she finally asked. I shrugged. _No clue_. "I keep playing because if I win, I have an excuse to give a kiss to who I want- that'll be my prize. I...I haven't gotten to kiss him yet."

I lifted my head to look at her, but she had already left. _Ran off all embarrassed, no doubt._ But I went to lunch feeling the best I had all day. (note: Remus can be a bit of an idiot sometimes. He can't even see the huge sign saying KISS ME DAMMIT over her. Ah well. More fun for me)

As we walked out of Defense Against the Dark Arts that Friday, we were discussing the creature of today's lesson- the werewolf. Honestly, I didn't care much for the lesson. Can't imagine why.

"I don't know. I think they are horrible, dangerous beasts that should be locked away, never to see the light of day again," Sirius said dramatically then laughed, nudging me in the ribs.

"Aw, don't be that way," James told his friend. "I think they would make lovely pets. Every kid should have one!" Peter laughed at that and readily agreed with James. Sirius slung his arm around Lydia's shoulders. Although Lydia and I had gone on a few dates into Hogesmede together, we weren't an official couple; this left Sirius open to flirt all he wanted without feeling guilty. We weren't together, so Sirius still had a chance. Part of me wondered if I hadn't asked Lydia to be my girlfriend because I was afraid she would reject me because of what I am. If I lost to Sirius, it would be because Sirius won her over and I didn't scare her away.

"What about you, angel?" he asked her.

"I don't think they should be allowed to live with the rest of us. All those people they could hurt. And think of how savage and brutal they are...gives me shivers. I don't like the thought of living next door to a monster." There was no joking tone to her voice; it was her dead honest opinion.

It felt like she rammed a blunt pole in my chest. I scared her away and she didn't even know it yet.

DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNNNNNN

lol, thanks for readin ya'll. i'll have the next chapter up soon, no worries.


	8. Chapter 8

Ah, my faithful readers, thank you all for your messages and cries of 'nooooo!' Actually, I kinda felt bad for leaving ya'll like that, so here's the next chapter. Happy reading 3

Sirius' POV

I felt horrible for Moony. What Lydia said after class really hurt him. We could all see it, even if she couldn't. He was distant and quiet the rest of the day and turned in around eight. I had never seen him so down. I decided to fix things. After all, that's what mates are for, right? I kept the clueless girl up with the rest of us well into the night. When James wasn't asking her questions about the object of his affections, we played Exploding Snap. After a couple hours, James and Peter turned in, leaving me and Lydia alone in the Common Room. We talked about everything and nothing for a while; I could see why Moony liked to talk to her. She was smart. Except when she was being stupid. Which brings us back to why I'm talking to her now.

"So I was thinking about today's lesson on werewolves," I started, gauging her reaction; she didn't seem to care either way, as if it was just another topic. "I got interested and read a couple books on it."

"Bullshit." _How did she know? _"You can't read."

"That aside, there are some interesting things about 'em." She shrugged. "They're behavior is a lot like the regular wolf- loyal to pack, mate for life, stuff like that. Werewolves suffer from bloodlust, yeah, but most go through crazy measures to ensure they don't hurt anyone. They're regular people like us." Lydia's mouth twitched; she was probably thinking some sort of amusing retort. But for the most part, she was looking curious.

"Why does it matter?" Lydia asked. I shrugged, keeping myself casual.

"Why were you so closed-minded after class? It's not like you." _I think. _Her cheeks tinged pink.

"I don't know. What we read in class…it was pretty scary, don't you think?" She still looked scared. Instinctively, I opened my arms, offering comfort. Not because I wanted an excuse to touch her, but because she needed to feel safe. Lydia regarded me with caution before she scooted closer. I held her close.

"Did something happen?" I asked quietly. It took a bit for her to answer.

"Werewolves are dangerous creatures. If they weren't, they wouldn't have to be registered. It's not just them that I'm afraid of. It's all of those that look human but are dangerous enough to have to be watched. When I was really little, my best friend and I were playing hide and seek. It was late and she said she gave up, so I started to climb out of my hiding place. I was only halfway out when she was attacked by vampires. They…they came so fast; I didn't know where they came from. I hid again. I couldn't run. I couldn't scream. They drained her. I was right there, and they drained her. She…she didn't make it. The vampires were our neighbors. We never knew," she finished and put her head down, determined not to look at me. Wouldn't be surprised if she was crying a little- not that I'd blame her. _I guess that explains it. After watching her best friend go like that...and it was her neighbors. No wonder she doesn't trust 'Ministry registered dangerous creatures.' _

"I'm sorry. It sucks that it happened, but that was one incident. With vampires. Not werewolves. I mean, humans kill each other, sometimes just for fun or out of anger, not to hunt or because of something beyond their control and you don't hate them, do you?" She shook her head slowly.

"I guess I don't make sense, do I? I didn't really think of it that way," she said, sniffing.

"Hey, don't cry, angel. It's ok. I didn't mean to make you upset. And it's ok to be afraid. More than ok. But it's not fair to shun a whole group for something only a few in that group did. That would be like, everyone in Gryffindor getting detention for the rest of our lives because I blew up a classroom. Right?" She laughed half-heartedly and nodded. _Guess I'm good for something after all._

"So you'll be a little more open minded?" I asked after a bit.

"Mmhmm." We stayed like that for a little bit, watching the fire die down. "Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"Why was this such a big deal?" _Because Remus is one of my best mates and I don't want him miserable. That's why. Well that...And…_

"I don't like assumptions. I don't like it when people assume someone is exactly like a group just because they're associated with that group," I told her quietly. It was the truth, just not the immediate one. Not really. Lydia was quiet for a while.

"You're talking about your family, aren't you?" I flinched a little. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I told her quietly.

"No one thinks you're like your family," she said in a small voice. "At least, none that I've heard. And I've heard a lot." I looked down at her, but she couldn't see me staring.

"Thanks."

"Mmhmm."

A good while passed in an understood silence, the both of us just staring at the fire. I guess it was too much time because when I asked if we should go to bed, she didn't answer; Lydia had fallen asleep against me. It was strange. Usually when a girl was asleep next to (or on, in this case) me, my mind wasn't in the cleanest of places. But not this time. I didn't want to defile her anymore. She was still innocent enough to be adorable, but… I just wanted her to be safe. _Remus will keep her safe. And happy._ I don't know where it was, but somewhere during that though process I fell asleep, too.

Lydia's POV

"Lydia Arlene Matthews! What in Merlin's name are you doing?" I woke with a start. Heart racing, I looked to see who had shouted at me and why. Lily was standing at the end of the staircase, staring ferociously at me. Her red hair made her seem even scarier and her normally cool green eyes were burning.

"What?" I asked, not knowing what was going on. Why was I in the Common Room? I looked at my 'bed.' Sirius was looking around, half asleep and confused. _Ohhhhhh. Whoops. _A few people were coming down the staircases, wondering what the Head Girl was shouting about. To my horror, one of those was Remus. I couldn't tell if he looked more furious or hurt. He locked eyes with Sirius before going back upstairs.

"Wait! Moony, it's not what you think!" Sirius shouted and ran after him. Lily realized she had drawn a small crowd. Huffing, she strode forward, grabbed my hand, and dragged me to our bedroom. She pointed to my bed.

"Sit." I sat. "What were you thinking? Sleeping with Sirius Black? Did someone slip stupid into your pumpkin juice? He's a bad boy, Lydia! I thought you liked Lupin, anyway. What, are you playing them? That's a horrible thing to do. And Black is more than likely playing you. He'll be on his next girl before lunchtime." I sat on my bed, waiting for my turn to speak. Lily was overreacting, but only because she cared. She paused to draw breath.

"Lily, nothing happened."

"What?"

"Nothing happened. We were talking and I fell asleep. That's all. He was helping me with a problem. Honest." She pursed her lips.

"So he's not toying with you?"

"No."

"And you're not toying with the boys?"

"No," I said, a little harsher than before. She looked at me long and hard before nodding. "I should probably go see if Remus is still mad," I told her and stood up.

"You really do like him, don't you?" she asked. I smiled.

"As much as you like James. Only I'm smart enough to realize it." I ran down the stairs, laughing and dodging thrown pillows. Hanging out with the Marauders had given me my voice, of sorts.

Sirius' POV

15 minutes before

"Moony! Wait a minute!" I shouted, chasing after him. He went into our dorm. "Remus!" He spun around

"_What?" _he spat. Shit, he was pissed.

"Please, listen to me. It's not what you think. Give me a chance to explain. As a friend."

"As a friend? Like you curled up and slept with the girl I'M dating, 'as a friend'?" _Merlin, he's an idiot sometimes._

"No, doofus! We accidently fell asleep on the couch after talking most of the night! I stayed up talking to her so I could figure out why she was so much against werewolves and fix it," I hissed. He was taken aback. "She's happy with you. I didn't want something stupid like that getting in the way. You're my best mate, Moony. Come on. You've gotta believe me." He stood there, obviously not knowing what to do or say.

"Please? You can ask her. We didn't do anything. I didn't even try to. She's all yours. Honest." Slowly, he nodded and looked suddenly tired. He sat on his bed.

"This is ridiculous," he muttered.

"Girls are ridiculous. But worth it. Usually," I said and sat next to him. He shook his head.

"Sorry."

"Don't worry. Still best mates?" He nodded.

"You're going to back off then?" I smiled.

"Eh. Kinda. I won't mean any of the advances, anyway. I just like to see her blush." Moony groaned and facepalmed.

"But seriously, I miss sex." He looked up at me, astonished.

"You have a girl in here every week!" he argued.

"Yeah. One. A week. There's too much man for just that," I told him, proudly. Shaking his head, he got up and we went down to breakfast together, me telling him everything that was said last night.

Ok, I know this one is short, but if you look down over there, you'll see that I posted another chapter along with this one. You know, cuz I'm all generous like that ^_^


	9. Chapter 9

Lydia's POV

I stayed in Gryffindor Tower that weekend; I didn't feel like dealing with people. Remus wasn't talking to me. The two times I saw him, he looked at me oddly and left. Both times he did this, Sirius looked at me sadly and came over to sit with me. It was a little awkward, but I really appreciated it.

Monday had to be the strangest and possibly most horrible yet. The news that a nobody had slept with The Sirius Black had gotten around rather quickly (and of course were greatly exaggerated). No big deal, right. Plenty of girls slept with him. It's the seventies. Free love and all that. No big deal. But he was still hanging out with me. He was still flirting. That didn't follow his usual pattern. Guys thought I must be good in the sack and a few propositioned me. Sirius told them that we never slept together and to leave me alone (but they didn't seem to believe him). I wish he hadn't. It made things worse. The guys left me alone, sure, but those girls…it was the same four Ravenclaws from the beginning of the school year. I had learned their names by now. Leona was the petite one with large blue eyes and short brown hair. Her nose had a cute dusting of freckles. Ashley was tall, a little on the heavy side, but had the curves that went with it. Her bleach blonde hair was usually pulled up. Janay was a tall and slender black girl who had a cat's grace about her. Her hair was short, black and straight- commanding, just like her. And then there was Ariadne. She was the one with very tanned skin, a different hair color every week, and harsh green eyes. By lunch, my bag had been the victim of a severing charm, my ink well bottle exploded in my hand, and _someone_ slipped a couple razors into my textbook. How could I not know their names? It wasn't like they tried to hide it after all.

I sat at lunch, staring miserably at the band-aids on my fingers. Ancient runes hadn't even been worth going- Remus wouldn't sit with me.

"Hey." I looked up. A Hufflepuff girl had taken the empty seat next to me at the Gryffindor table.

"Hi," I told her cautiously. She regarded me with cool blue eyes and a calculating expression.

"You don't seem like his type," she said, bluntly. I winced.

"Are you going to be mean to me, too?" I asked tiredly.

"No. I just want to know what really happened." She sat there, cool as a cucumber, twirling her curled honey hair around a pale finger.

"We're friends. That's all. We stayed up late talking and crashed on the couch."

"So you never-?"

"No."

"Do you even like him?"

"I'd say like a brother, but that would make his innocent flirting really really awkward." She laughed.

"All right. I'm Sephy, by the way," she introduced herself.

"I know. The Gossip Queen. I'm Lydia."

"I know," she replied with a wide smile. Sephy wasn't her real name. It was Persephone, but she hated it. She wasn't a bad type of gossiper. Sephy loved gossip, but made it a point to always go to the source and find out what was going on. Then spread that story around. "Listen, I didn't come over just to ask you about that. I know those Ravenclaw girls." It wasn't a question which ones. "If you just keep quiet, they won't stop. They'll just escalate."

"Why are they doing this?" I asked her. She picked up a roll and took a bite.

"They do it to every girl Sirius takes a real interest in," she said, mouth full. She swallowed. "Sorry. Anyway, he won't give them a second glace so they take it out on the girl, hoping to chase her off, I think." I nodded. That made sense. I think.

"What am I supposed to do?" I asked.

"Stand up to them. You're in Gryffindor, aren't ya?" she asked with a wink before rejoining her friends and, more than likely, doing damage control.

I woke up Tuesday morning sick of everything and everyone. I was tired of being treated this way. I got dressed and went downstairs to wait for a boy to come down. Luckily, a second year boy walked down. He was happy to do a favor for a seventh year and went back up to see if Remus was there.

"Sorry. They said he just left a little bit ago for breakfast," he told me when he got back.

"Thanks!" I told him and ran out. I saw Lupin at the third floor landing. "Remus Lupin!" I called after him. He turned, surprised. I was surprised, too. I don't shout often. He waited for me to catch up.

"Yes?" he asked.

"What the hell? Why are you avoiding me?" I demanded. He looked away.

"I don't know what-"

"Bull. Tell me. Sirius told me that you two talked. You know we didn't shag or anything. He said everything was ok. So what is it? Please." He mumbled something. "Hmm?"

"It hurts."

"What does?"

"It's just…yeah, I was fine but then it sank in. You two stayed up all night talking, sharing secrets and stuff. You…you never opened up to me like that. But you did to him." I stared.

"That's it? You've been a prat because of that?" He looked hurt (and a little annoyed with himself). I made my voice gentler. "I told him because he asked. I would've told you if you had asked me. Remus shook his head, a wry smile on his face.

"I have been an idiot, haven't I?"

"Yes. But you're a cute idiot," I told him. I felt my cheeks turning pink again, but I didn't care. Sirius said I was cute when I blushed. Maybe Remus thought so, too.

Sephy was right- the meanines did escalate. Over the week, I was picked on every chance they got. The worst one was when they found me in the bathroom, used a jinx to hang me in the air by my ankle, and left me there. My wand had clattered to the ground and well out of reach. I had to wait fifteen minutes for the jinx to wear off. I slipped into class very late and when Lily asked what happened, I was too embarrassed to tell her.

Saturday came. There was another quidditch match- Ravenclaw vs Gryffindor. We were almost at the Entrance Hall when I realized I had forgotten my binoculars. Telling them to save me a seat, I ran back to the Tower. Unfortunately, four girls met me on the stairwell. Bet you can guess who. I tried to ignore them and run past them. They didn't want to be ignored. Instead of taking the next step, my legs snapped together in the leg-locker curse and I tumbled down the stairs. When I crashed on the landing, I was battered, bruised, and judging by the sharp pain in my right arm, it was broken. Amidst their laughter, Sephy's words came back to me. 'You're in Gryffindor, aren't you?' Yes. I am. I fished in my robes for my wand then fixed my legs. Shaking slightly and arm in severe pain, I stood up and called them out.

"Hey! Bitches!" They looked at me, surprised. "I am sick and tired of this. If you want the pretty boy so bad, go after him. I don't want him and I don't deserve this. Leave me alone!" They stared at me, stunned, then laughed.

Madam Pomfrey had my arm fixed in five minutes. She said she had to keep the others overnight to fix the damage I made.

I have detention this weekend.

It's ok. They do, too.


	10. Chapter 10

Lydia's POV

"Lydia! Where were you? We won!" Lily said happily when I climbed in the portrait hole. I could tell. We were having a party. She didn't wait for an answer, instead pulling me into the party.

"Someone was worried about you," she said in a teasing voice, pushing me a little. I looked in that direction. Remus was coming over. He did look a little worried.

"What happened to your arm?" he asked. I winced. Hoping to hide the fact that it was in a sling, I had put my arm inside my robes rather than wear it on the outside. I looked around.

"Where'd Lily go?" Remus gave a half smile and pointed. She was talking to James and they were looking really chummy.

"Now your arm…" Crap. "Does it have to do with why you didn't show up?" I nodded. He thought for a minute. "Hold on." Then he walked away. Obediently, I stayed put. He came back with two butterbeers and some snacks. "This way," he said, indicating the staircase to the boy's dorms. I followed.

Carefully, he put the snacks on his bed before tossing his (and someone else's) pillows to the far wall. Stretching out on the floor, we were now able to talk and munch in peace (and without being next to the fat lady). Rather reluctantly, I explained about the mean girls and Sephy. By the time I got to today's incident, Remus looked murderous.

"They could've snapped your neck!" he exclaimed when I told him about the stairs. I nodded.

"That's why they have detention with Filch." He calmed down, but not much.

"And what did you do?"

"Umm…enough damage to warrant an hour long lecture from McGonagall. Granted, that could've also been because she was called away from the game to talk to me. I have detention with her on Saturday. But she did say between me and her that my transfiguration was very well done." He stared.

"Lydia…what did you do?" he asked again.

"Apart from reversing the ah, 'carpets and drapes' on them and thoroughly transfiguring their arm into gorilla ones…not much, actually." Remus laughed until tears were in his eyes.

Sirius' POV

I walked up to the seventh year boy's room when the party was winding down. Remus and Lydia were on the floor, leaning against the far wall, and talking.

"Hey, Sirius. What's up?" Remus asked. I shrugged and tossed myself across my bed so I could talk to them but still be comfy.

"Whatcha talkin about?" I asked. They shrugged, too.

"This and that," Moony told me.

"Speaking of," Lydia said, turning more toward me, "you need to do something about a few girls."

"When they get out of the hospital wing," Remus muttered and they both laughed. I felt a little irked; I'm not used to be left out of the loop. Then Lydia explained about some girls that hate on any girl I'm with. _I never knew._ I felt bad. Then I saw her arm and put two and two together; I felt even worse. It was about that time when Lily burst into the room, grabbed Lydia, and left babbling about a bigheaded jerk.

"Thanks, Padfoot," Remus said later on that night. Everyone else was asleep; it was almost 3am.

"Hmm? For What?" I asked.

"Fixing things. I owe you," he told me.

"Sure." It's horrible, but…but I think I kind of regret it. I don't regret helping my mate, that's for sure. But promising to give up pursuit of Lydia…I think I like her. Actually like her, I mean. Before, I wanted to defile and corrupt her. It sounded like a fun thing to do. But now…I want her to be happy and safe. _She's happier with Remus._ Even I could tell that much. But can she be safe with him, being what he- _Don't think that. Never think that. _I rolled over. My stomach hurt. _I'm a horrible friend._

Lydia's POV

I woke up Sunday morning feeling amazing, despite my arm still being sore. Remus and I were having a good time when Lily wanted me to join her. She had been warming up to James because he wasn't being a braggart about the game. She got pissed when he tried to feel her up, though. Then she told me she wouldn't have minded so much if he had taken the time to be a little more romantic about it. They're going to be an item before Christmas if he goes about it right. If I have my way, she won't be the only one. I stretched when I got out of bed and had an awkward time getting dressed. Stupid arm. All the other girls were sleeping in, so I made my way down to breakfast alone.

After breakfast:

"Change it up. How's this going to end?" Sirius said when James ran to catch up with Lily. "I say a slap like she gave him last night."

"They go for a walk," I challenged. _Lily wants to. James is just an idiot._

"She kisses him," Peter bet. Remus stared off into space.

"Moony?" Sirius asked. Remus smiled.

"They're going to get interrupted again." We watched them talk for a while. It finally occurred to me-

"Does James know we do this?" I asked. They all looked at each other, then back at me, and shrugged. _Nice._ We all waited.

"Excuse me. Have you seen Mr. Potter or Miss Evans?" We turned. Flitwick was there. We pointed. He thanked us and went to get them. Remus made no attempt to hide his smle.

"Nuh-uh! How'd you know?" Sirius demanded, unbelieving and annoyed.

"Overheard him asking around about ten minutes ago," he replied easily. Remus leaned over, presenting his cheek to me. His eagerness made my heart flutter. I gathered my courage.

"No." Still leaned forward, he turned to face me.

"What do you mean 'no'?" he asked, obviously hurt. I kissed his lips instead. They were warm and unlike Sirius', they made my whole body tingle.

"I meant I didn't want to kiss your cheek." He blushed lightly, but smiled all the same. Realizing what I just did, I peeked over at Sirius and Peter. They were already halfway down the hall. I looked back at Remus. He was chewing on his lip.

"Um, Lydia? Would you by any chance want to be my girlfriend?" Needless to say, I agreed.

^_^ fun isn't over yet, so stick around!


	11. Chapter 11

Lydia's POV

Having served my detention last Saturday, I was quite looking forward to this one. After breakfast, James had Quidditch practice and after that, Lily wanted to play with my hair. We'd hang out until lunch, when we'd join the guys for a picnic on the grounds. It's going to be the last warm weekend, more than likely, so it'll be fun.

We sat in the near empty Common Room. Well, I sat. Lily was behind me. When I agreed to let Lily charm my hair, I thought she was going to straighten it for me. She did…at first. Then she turned it blonde. Then black. Then green.

"Come on, Lily! That's not funny!" I protested. She didn't take me seriously. Not surprising, seeing as I was laughing along with her. But really, I didn't look good with green hair.

"Why?" She giggled more. "You'd make a lovely mermaid. All we have to do now is strip you naked and give you a tail!"

"LIIIILLLLLY!" I protested. She laughed harder.

"No, really! Like a mermaid from the fairy tales. Come on, strip," she teased.

"I like where this is going," Sirius said, coming through the portrait hole. I turned bright red.

"Shut up!" I told him. Peter and Remus came into the room and both stared at my green hair.

"Lily," I whined.

"Oh, all right. Spoilsport," she told me. "How about red?"

"Aw, they match," Peter said. Sirius let out a bark-like laugh, mentioning that James was missing a 'sight'. I didn't know what meant, and I wasn't about to ask. It was probably something dirty that neither of us would approve of. Lily looked around.

"Where is James?" she asked, going back to my hair and trying to be casual. The rest of us tried to hide our smiles.

"Hospital wing," Sirius said, taking a chair. My smile vanished.

"What? Why?" Lily demanded.

"Bludger to the head during practice," he explained. "Don't worry, he'll be fine. Madam Pomfrey said he should be out in a few days." Lily let go of my hair.

"A few days? What happened?"

"It cracked his skull," Peter replied.

"Oh…but he'll be ok, right?" she asked quietly.

"They said that," I told her. She was worried. How sweet!

"James has had plenty worse. Don't worry, Evans," Sirius reassured her with a smirk. Lily was much quieter now. She changed my hair back to brown, but put some blonde streaks in it. She took her time curling my hair with her wand. The guys played Exploding Snap in the meantime.

After she finished playing with my hair, I asked if she wanted me to style hers as well.

"What? With your hand at Charms?" Remus teased. I stuck my tongue out at him. "Besides," he continued, "James'll kill you if you messed with perfection." I looked at Lily, who was blushing.

"Does he really think that?" she asked. All of us rolled our eyes.

"Duh, girl. The moron's only been telling you as much since he met you," I told her. She let me play with it anyway. Unlike her, I used a brush and clips. Her hair color stayed the same- I didn't dare. But I tried a few pretty twists and braids before deciding on a half up and half down style and putting thin braids in it. After that, we played a couple games of cards with the guys.

"So you girls ready to go down to lunch?" Lily wasn't sure if she wanted to anymore.

"James won't mind," Peter told her sweetly. "Actually, he'd be upset with us if we left you just because you don't want to picnic without him."

"Wha- That has nothing to do with it," she informed us. _Liar._ I gave her a pleading look.

"Please? You have to eat anyway. For me?" I asked. "I'd feel better if you were there," I added in a whisper. It was half true. I didn't need her for support or to watch me, but I would feel better knowing she was having a little fun with us instead of skipping lunch because she was worrying about a certain Head Boy (while refusing to admit she was worried at the same time). She couldn't argue with my request. Win.

We had fun keeping Lily's mind off James and trying not to tease her about caring. After all, this was their last chance to really spend time together like this. We were graduating soon. And that Dark Lord guy was gaining momentum. He could really be a problem later on. And then where would they be? I was distracted from my thoughts when Remus ran his fingers through my hair. He kept running them through my hair all throughout lunch. It was almost like needing to have physical contact was becoming natural. I really liked that, too. _This is perfect. Nothing can ruin this. _

Monday came and so did classes, but no James. He was still recovering. By nightfall though, James wasn't the only one in need of medical attention. Remus looked like hell. It's just like his other outbreaks. _What's wrong with him? Poor thing. _For the thousandth time, I wanted to figure out what was wrong with him just so I could fix it. I don't like seeing him sick. It…it hurts to see him that way. Though his eyes became a brighter shade of amber, his face lost color. His breathing became more labored as the evening wore on. Halfway through dinner, Remus shook his head in defeat and said he was going to the hospital wing.

"Do you want me to walk with you?" I offered.

"No," he said hurriedly. "I, uh, I know the way." I nodded and gave him a small kiss on the cheek before he left.

"Boys, right?" Lily said, shaking her head. "Have to do things on their own. Why can't they be more sensible?"

"Cheers," I replied.

"Now why should we be a silly thing like that?" Sirius asked with a mischievous smile. "If we were sensible, we wouldn't have near as much fun."

"You wouldn't have near as many detentions, either," Lily countered.

"But then you'd be denied the joy of telling us off, Evans. See? Everyone wins," Black informed us, satisfied with himself and his compelling argument.

"Why must you be so stubborn?" she asked, though not really annoyed. He smirked.

"I thought we covered this. It's cause we're boys." We laughed.

"I'll go see Remus later on tonight. Do you want to go with me? James is still there, after all," I asked Lily a little later. Lily blushed and shoved a too big bite of steak in her mouth. Peter and I had to clap her on the back a few times when she choked.

She went with me an hour after dinner. Peter went with us, too, but Sirius told us he'd seen his friend plenty of times to know what he looks like. James was still asleep, though. His skull had been mended, but he needed the rest.

"He should be up and about tomorrow or the day after at latest," Madam Pomfrey told us.

"And Remus? Could I see him? Just to say goodnight?"

"I'm sorry, no. He can't see anyone. Mr. Lupin's outbreaks are very contagious," she told me, pity written on her face. I looked at the back of the room. A curtain was drawn around a bed. I nodded, feeling very disappointed. Lily and Peter opted to stay with James for a little longer. I started back to the Tower on my own. I looked out the windows on the way back, dawdling. It was weird. I saw that same black dog I saw last time. There was no stag, but that dog… _Huh. Didn't realize we had a stray on the Grounds. _Then he started jumping around the branches of the Whomping Willow. _Does that dog have a death wish?_ He got to the trunk. And the tree froze. _What the-_ I had to know what was going on. If I didn't go now, I'd die of curiosity.

I went outside. (What? Curfew is in half an hour. More than enough time.)

I didn't see anything. The Whomping Willow was moving around and there was no sign of the dog. I searched for a while, even looking over by the Forbidden Forest, and found nothing. I looked at my watch. _Whoops. Way past curfew. I didn't realize I'd been out here that long. Oh well._ The lake looked calm and inviting, so I walked toward it. The Grounds were always so pretty at night. The full moon was reflected on the lake, giving it a bright shimmer. _Wait, wasn't it a full moon last time I saw the dog?_ That dog- I couldn't find it anywhere! Disappointed, I turned to go back to the castle. Then I heard something moving slowly. No, I heard running. And barking. I turned.

Two dogs were running at me. Wait, no. One was the big black dog. The other a really big wolf. The wolf was charging me and the dog was trying to catch up with the larger canine. Reaching for my wand, I took a closer look at the wolf. Wolves don't normally attack humans unless provoked. Or unless it had rabies. And I didn't want rabies. Well, it wasn't foaming at the mouth, but its eyes were odd. They looked…human. Crazed human, but still human. _Oh, no._ I stood there, paralyzed, taking it all in, hand over my wand. The tail and snout were different and though not horribly large, it was still bigger than the average wolf. _That's four. I can't see it's paws but I bet they're large, too. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. _My eyes widened as it jumped on me. _It's a werewolf!_

Even with it on top of me, I couldn't make myself move, much less fight. I couldn't even scream. I still had my wand, but I couldn't think of a single spell.

_Help me._

Its jaws sank into my shoulder, breaking my collarbone in the process. I think I screamed, but I'm not sure. It sank its teeth in deeper and shook a little. I could taste blood, but it was probably the thick scent of blood that made me think I tasted it. The dog charged the werewolf, tackling it and biting its neck. The werewolf growled and tried to fling the dog off. The werewolf shook again, making my wound hurt even more and causing the dog to let go. The werewolf released me and howled. But then its golden eyes turned back to me. Those eyes looked familiar, but I figured I was imagining it. My vision was blurring, anyway. My arm was tingling and it was hard to breathe. I fought unconsciousness. With a growl, the dog jumped on the werewolf's back, sinking its teeth into it. I tried to scream for someone, anyone to save me, but still no sound would come out. I was helpless, lying on the ground, my blood pooling around me. Vacantly, I watched the canines fight. After a few minutes of it, the dog seemed to be getting the upper hand. Hackles raised and teeth bared, the dog backed the werewolf toward the Whomping Willow. The werewolf looked around the dog at me and whimpered. At least, I think it did. I could well be hallucinating and the werewolf is actually chewing on my leg right now. My mind was feeling fuzzy, after all. The dog barked and the werewolf turned around, running back to the Willow. The dog came over to me, whimpering and licking my wound. I closed my eyes and I thought I heard Sirius tell me to hold on. I didn't even have time to tell myself that I was delusional before I passed out.

!Reviews Please!


	12. Chapter 12

So yeah, I felt bad for leaving ya'll at that cliffhanger. Sorry it took so long- school has been a right killer. Why I let my advisor talk me into two advanced english courses, I'll never know ~_~ Anyway, thanks to every one who reviewed. I love 'em, so keep 'em comin, kay? Let me know what ya'll think of how it's all going- knowing what ya'll think is very important!

Lydia's POV

I woke up screaming. Noticing I was sitting in a bed, I relaxed a little. _A nightmare. It was just a nightmare. No, wait. This isn't my bed. This is the hospital wing!_ My hand flew to my shoulder. The entire area was covered in bandages. _It was real. I got bit by a…and then…_ Madam Pomfrey came into the ward, still in her nightdress.

"Shhh, there there," she told me and got a tissue to dry my eyes. I didn't even know I was crying.

"What happened?" I choked out. The nurse pursed her lips.

"We were hoping you could tell us. Rather, tell the headmaster. He has requested to see you when you were able." Nodding, I tried to get out of bed.

"I say when you're able," she told me, voice firm. Hesitantly, I lied back down.

"How long have I been out?" I asked, watching her pour some sort of potion into a cup.

"Twenty-eight hours or so. Drink this and get some sleep."

I woke up after dinner time the next day. I wasn't hurting at all anymore. When Madam Pomfrey said I was strong enough, I left. She had told me to go to Professor McGonagall and she would take me to Dumbledore, so I went for her office. McGonagall took me to the Third floor stone gargoyle.

"Sugar Quill," she said, making it come to life and spring to the side. It revealed a staircase.

"This way, Miss Matthews," she told me.

"Lydia! Lydia, wait!" I turned around. Remus was running toward me. I felt dirty. I'm not an idiot- I know what I'm going to turn into - a monster. Would he still want me?

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."

"What?" _What does he have to be sorry about? Or is he sorry for me?_

"I wanted you to hear it from me. I'm sorry. I-I'm the one that did this to you." My heart skipped a beat. The bite suddenly throbbed.

"What?" _I misheard. That's it. Please?_

"I bit you. I- Lydia!" I couldn't hear him anymore because I was running up the stairs to the headmaster's office, feeling completely betrayed. I burst into his office without really thinking about it.

"Ah, Miss Matthews," Dumbledore said, looking up at me through his half moon spectacles. "Please, take a seat." I did as told. Professor McGonagall came in a moment later.

"Headmaster, I placed Mr. Lupin in the next door classroom. He'll wait there for you." Dumbledore nodded. She came over and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I'll be back momentarily, then," he said and left.

Tears were streaming down my cheeks. How did it come to this? _How could I be so blind? Things started out so nice...but…all the signs were there and I just didn't see them. He only got sick at the full moon, didn't he? His reflexes and senses were always above par, too. But I never noticed. Now…now it's too late._ I broke out into full sobs. _Why wasn't he honest with me? If I had known, I would have never gone out after dark. How could things that started out so good turn out so bad?_ I broke into a full cry. McGonagall rubbed my back a little, but it didn't really help.

Remus' POV

I sat in an empty classroom on the third floor, staring a hole in the door that Dumbledore just left through. Tears streamed silently down my lean face. I was horrified and I hated myself. Poor Lydia had never been anything but nice to me. But I threw that away. I'd never have a chance at a life with her now. "You screwed up big time, Lupin," I muttered to myself contemptuously. _Well, Sirius can take care of her. She'd never let me now_.

Lydia's POV

Dumbledore walked back into his study; a frustratingly calm expression adorning his face.

"Thank you, Minerva, I think I can handle it from here." She nodded and left silently. He turned back to me. "Miss Matthews, what I'm about to ask is very important. Do you remember what happened?" I tried to remember, but most of it was blurry.

"I remember him charging me. And biting me. And an animal attacked him, I don't remember what kind."

"Why were you outside so late?" I tried to remember, but I just couldn't. I shook my head.

"I'm sorry…I don't know." He nodded and didn't press it.

"That's fine. Trauma can do that. Now, how are you feeling?" I looked at him incredulously.

"How do I feel? I'm horrible! I want to go home!" I broke into tears again. "I just want to go home..." He nodded and sat behind his desk.

"I understand." UNDERSTAND_? How can he understand? He has no idea how I feel!_ He seemed to know what I was thinking. "I have not had this experience personally, but I can sympathize. Now, Miss Matthews, as much as you want to go home, I think it would be better for you if you stayed here. We can help you."

"As long as HE'S here, I don't want to be," I protested and in a very lady-like fashion, wiped my nose on my sleeve. Dumbledore sighed, his eyes closing briefly behind his half-moon spectacles. I forced myself to stop crying, but my body still trembled.

"Mr. Lupin is to remain here, too. You are going to need to get along with him-"

"After what HE-"

"Yes," the headmaster said firmly. "You two will help one another. You need him, miss Matthews. There is no one better. Trust me." I sat there, a combination of emotions coursing through me: anger, pain, betrayal, resentment, sadness...everything but happy. "He is very sorry," Dumbledore said quietly. Slowly, I looked up at him through my blonde-brown bangs. "He says he wishes he could take it back." I frowned.

"But he can't."

"No," the headmaster told you patiently, "he can't. But Mr. Lupin says he never meant to hurt you." I couldn't think of anything to say. It didn't seem as if I really had a choice.

"Fine," I said, standing up. Murmuring a brief 'goodnight, Professor,' I went back to my dormitory thinking of what to do next and allowing my rational side to take over.

Remus' POV

Dumbledore came back into the classroom. Quickly wiping the tears from my face, I stood in respect. Lydia aside, I felt bad enough for lying to the man. Apart from betraying his trust, I had told him that I couldn't remember how I got out.

"Well?" I asked.

"Miss Matthews will stay for at least a bit. She will need some help adjusting, though." Wringing my hands in anxiousness, I waited for him to expel me. "Now, the girl doesn't hate you, but it will be hard for her to trust you again." He wasn't going to say it outright. Better to get it over with.

"Professor? Am I to be-"

"Expelled?" the Headmaster asked grimly. "No, my dear boy, not today. We must be more careful in the future, however." I nodded and allowed one of the many knots in my stomach to release. "I suggest you give the girl a few days to herself then approach her. I will speak to you both later." I knew a dismissal when I heard one.

"Goodnight, Professor," I intoned as I walked to the door.

"Goodnight, Mr. Lupin."

Lydia's POV

I lay awake on my four-poster, thoughts running through my head. _Nothing will be the same anymore. I trusted him. I TRUSTED him. And he betrayed me. I thought I knew that- that bastard! I thought he was a good person. I was wrong. Completely wrong._

"_Were you?"_ my inner, rational voice asked skeptically. _"Would you have told anyone?"_

_No…_

"_Exactly. Besides, the two of you had some fun, right?" _

_Yeah…Like the times I was included in the boys' silly games... _For some stupid reason, I thought about all the stupid bets on James and Lily and the random things we did together, just having a good time. I thought about the dates into Hogsmeade and my stomach flipped. I couldn't tell if it was the usual excited jitter I always got from thinking of us alone together or if it was a flip of revulsion. I pushed it aside and managed to allow myself a faint smile at the memories.

"_See? You had fun."_

_He was always nice to me. Always kind and willing to do anything for me._

"_Exactly. Talk to him tomorrow. Get his side of the story."_

"Yeah. I'll talk to him tomorrow," I decided out loud then rolled over for a fitful sleep.

Sirius' POV

I paced around the dormitory, frantic. It had been a couple of days since IT had happened and Remus still hadn't spoken to me. I understand, really, but still... Now Lydia was finally awake and both were being questioned by Dumbledore. What if Moony was expelled? I had felt horrible since it all happened, but now that she was awake and Dumbledore was involved, it settled in as being very, very real.

"Oh, shit, oh shit, oh shit, OH BLOODY SHIT!" I exclaimed as I grabbed my head and sat heavily on my bed. "This is bad, bad, bad." It was my fault. Cute, little Lydia's life was over all because of me. "If I hadn't been so egotistical..." I muttered. James and Peter were watching me wordlessly from their own beds; both were in a state of shock. I laid back on my bed. "I'm dead meat," I said simply.

"Well, technically-" James started, but a very harsh glare from me shut him up. The door opened and all of us turned at the noise. Remus came in, looking miserable. I looked at him, eyes imploring and apologetic.

"Moony, I-" but I stopped. Remus had gotten into his bed and closed the curtains around him. His silhouette showed he had curled up into a ball. I closed my mouth and crawled into my own bed. "I'm sorry," I muttered into my pillow.

Lydia's POV

I got up feeling less angry and more sad. But hate still bubbled in my stomach. _"Get his side first,"_ my rational side reminded me. I got dressed and went down to breakfast, ignoring and being ignored by everyone. Remus was sitting next to Sirius at the table. Across from them were James and Peter. All four looked sober; not at all like their usual selves.

Part of me wanted to smile. The two of us had such fun together back when things were so innocent and simple. I squared my shoulders and marched up to the table.

"Remus, could I have a word with you?" I asked in a cool voice. I made sure I made eye contact, shy or no. This was important. He hesitated, staring at his lap for a few seconds then looked back up at me and nodded. He looked a little nauseous. The two of us walked from the Great Hall to the Grounds.

Outside , it took a while for either of us to say something.

"What happened?" I asked in a sharp, quiet tone. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking a little more nauseous.

"I got out," he started. "You saw what I am...what I become. I...escaped and ran. It turned out to be the direction of the lake...then I smelled something...it was sweet and delicious..." He stopped walking and gently touched my arm to make me stop as well. I couldn't help but flinch at his touch. He winced, like that in itself was a slap to the face, but didn't say anything; he had no right to anyway. "I could smell you...and the only coherent thought that went through my head was 'fresh meat.' I- I wanted it. So I attacked." I was quiet for a moment.

"You wanted to _eat_ me?"

"Something like that."

"What do you mean 'something like that'?" I asked, confused. He gave a half shrug.

"I just…wanted you. Eat you, take you away, whatever. As long as I got a hold of you…of that scent. If I could turn back time, I would. I swear. I never meant to hurt you...to ruin your life," he pleaded. I nodded slowly. It would be hard to be at ease around him again. But at the same time, deep, deep down, I felt a dark, intimate connection I didn't realize a human could have. _Well, perhaps humans can't have that connection. But a pair of werewolves can._

Remus shifted from foot to foot, nervous. He swallowed, gathering his courage.

"Do you hate me?" he asked.

Reviews- thank you, please! let me know what you would say in lydia's situation


	13. Chapter 13

Lydia's POV

I stood outside with my werewolf attacker. He shifted from foot to foot, nervous. He swallowed, gathering his courage.

"Do you hate me?" Remus Lupin asked me. Attention brought back to the young man standing next to me, I looked at him and considered his question for a long moment.

"I don't know. I honestly don't know how I feel about you at all," I replied slowly. He nodded, face showing he thought he was getting better than he deserved. Perhaps he was right.

"Well, I won't impose myself on you any longer. You know where to find me if you need anything," he said in a soft, distant voice. Before I could respond, he ran back to the castle. Sitting down next to a nearby tree, I watched the placid lake. _How do I feel about him? I know I liked him before. Really liked… but now I'm not so sure. He lied to me. Attacked me. He destroyed my life...didn't he? _I hadn't really noticed anything different about myself yet . Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all.

"Miss Matthews?" a voice said from behind me. I turned and squinted up at the tall woman silhouetted by the autumn morning sunlight. Standing, I inclined my head slightly in a greeting.

"Professor McGonagall."

"I wanted to let you know that after dinner tonight, I will be escorting you to the Ministry." I started in alarm. I had hoped to keep this dark secret to myself (and my family, of course). So much for that.

"Why?" _Why can't this be a secret? Why must they know?_

"We have to start on the paperwork in the registry." McGonagall wasn't unsympathetic. She simply knew what had to be done. I couldn't begrudge her for that.

"Yes, ma'am," I murmured sadly. With each passing minute, all of this was becoming more and more real. Part of me deep inside had hoped all of this was a bad dream. _Now I understand what he meant by him liking __A Midsummer's Night Dream. __This is the bad dream he wants to wake up from too._

The bell rang.

"Get to class. But if you need to talk, my door is open," she told me kindly. I had never seen her face so unharsh. It took a moment, but then I realized what it was- pity. Had things really stooped that low? She might have looked the same last night, but I was a little too preoccupied to notice. With a quick nod, I trudged miserably up to class.

The day crawled by. Things and people moved around me, normal as ever, but it didn't seem real. I didn't feel like I was part of it. I felt even more distant and alone than ever before. Remus didn't bother me, but I could feel his gaze throughout the day. Finally, dinner arrived. Somehow, although the day crawled by, it arrived too soon.

"Come along," McGonagall toldme briskly. At least the pity was out of her eyes. I followed her to her office and through the fireplace; we went by floo powder.

I never liked floo travel. It always made me dizzy and woozy afterward. McGonagall steadied me when I stumbled out of the Ministry fireplace. I had been there a few times and all of those times the employees had been very friendly. For the most part, they were this time. That is, until I walked into the 'dangerous breeds registration office.' They looked at me like I was filth and half flung the registration forms at me. After a scathing glare from my teacher, however, the wizard grunted an apology. Choosing not to say anything , I simply nodded. I signed a few packets and official documents.

"We have to wait for your first change to issue you an actual registration number and to tattoo it on," he explained. My eyes widened.

"Tattoo?" I didn't want a serial number tattooed on me. I looked at McGonagall with pleading eyes. She shook her head sadly.

"I'm sorry, Lydia. It is a necessity."

"She will be in a controlled environment?" the wizard asked McGonagall sharply.

"Of course," she replied, just as sharply, "It IS Hogwarts." He nodded absently. _If it's so controlled, why did I get bit then, huh? _But I kept that to myself. When I finished, McGonagall scooted me from the office before any other rude things could be said. Worst Friday ever.

Sirius' POV

"Should we tell her? I mean, if we're going to still hang out with Moony, then she will have to know, too. Right?" I asked. James nodded slowly from his four poster in the guys' dormitory.

"Lydia is not much of a tattle tale but if she's feeling vengeful after what Moony did to her..." he put in. I nodded decisively.

"We'll gauge how she reacts when she sees us on the next full moon. And if we have to blackmail her, then so be it." James looked at me uncertainly.

"It's basically your fault Lydia changed and you want to blackmail her?" I chose not to answer that, even if I did feel horrible saying it.

Lydia's POV

When the bell rang a week later, it signaled the beginning of the Christmas holidays. Dumbledore made me promise to stay at Hogwarts for my first transformation to be on the safe side. Part of me didn't want to go home anyway. Not out of wanting to stay with my friends or anything, but because I didn't want my parents seeing me like that. They had been sent an owl and they let me know that they still love me and everything, but I just couldn't face them yet. Lily was worried about my lack of motivation for anything anymore, but I brushed it off, telling her I was just going through a funk.

Mostly, I moped around the castle over the holidays. The Marauders were all still here, but I kept well away from them. I went outside a couple times, just to sit in the courtyard and think.

_The full moon is getting closer. I can feel it pulling on me. I've felt more confident too...but scared. I guess I'll have to ask Remus if that's normal._ I moved a hand to push a strand of hair from my face only to remember that I had put my hair up that day. It felt strange to have it out of my face instead of hiding it. I looked around the snowy Grounds. It was nice outside. I realized that I had actually spent a good deal of time wandering around outside. _Strange. _Before, I never cared one way or the other about the outdoors. Now,I liked to be outside. I _longed_ to be outside. I wanted to run around, in the forest, perhaps. I resisted the temptation and watched some students have a snowball fight.

"Hi." I turned. A guy from Hufflepuff was standing there. He was rather tall with dark hair and darker eyes. His wide smile was attractive and his dark tan skin looked good against his black cloak.

"Hello."

"Um, I was wondering if you'd like to get a drink with me next Hogsmeade visit. Maybe get to know each other. You know…a date." I didn't blush or try to hide my face from him. It was weird, but I hardly ever felt shy anymore.

"I'm flattered, but no thank you. I'm...I'm going through some stuff right now..." He shook his head.

"That's fine. You don't have to explain. Just keep me in mind." With a wave, he walked over to the snowball fight to join in. _That's so odd. That's the second guy to ask me out this week. And it's not because they thought I shagged Sirius, either. I don't understand it_. I tried to push aside an even more unsettling thought with little success; _why haven't I accepted any of these offers? It can't be because of Remus...can it? _Shaking my head, I tried to watch the snowball fight again. One of them wasn't playing anymore, instead, staring at me. I don't know how, but somehow I knew it was Remus. I could feel it. Uncomfortable, I went back inside the castle. I felt trapped in there, but it was better than the alternative.

It was December 22. Sirius found me building a snowman.

"Can I talk to you?" Hesitantly, I nodded.

"I have something to confess." I frowned slightly, curious. "What happened to you…it's my fault." I didn't say anything, not understanding. "Last full moon...Moony, er, Remus changed. Duh. Well, the guys and I always go and see him to keep him company. I went alone because James was in the hospital wing and Peter stayed with him."

He struggled, fighting to keep his courage. "I let him out, thinking I could control him all by myself, but he got away from me. He got away from me and got to you." He winced, as though expecting a slap. I didn't deliver one, instead just staring. _How could he? How could he be so full of himself that he thought he could control a werewolf on his own?_ My hands balled into fists. When he really looked at me again, I punched him square in the nose. I felt bone crunch.

"So I guess you're mad at me?" he asked, holding his hands up to it. I saw blood, but I didn't care.

"What gave you that idea?" I asked sarcastically. He let out a bark-like laugh, despite the broken nose.

"I suppose this is going to ruin any chance I had at asking you out, huh?"

"What do you think?" I asked and stormed away. _The nerve! _Feeling even more betrayed, back to the castle. Unfortunately, McGonagall saw the whole thing.

She took me to her office.

"Honestly, miss Matthews! Fighting! I never expected such behavior from you. What caused it?" my professor asked. I shrugged a little, shamefaced.

"He made me mad. He deserved it, anyway." She shook her head.

"Knowing Mr. Black, no doubt. But to punch him? Was that necessary?" she wanted to know, exasperated. Again, I shrugged.

"I'm not going to give you a detention for this because I believe I know what is going on. Have you spoken to Mr. Lupin about how you're feeling and how you're changing?" I shook my head.

"Do so. This is mandatory." With that, I was excused.

I really didn't want to talk to him yet. It had been about two weeks since I had been bitten. It was too soon. Still, I wanted to know what was going on. I managed to procrastinate a few more hours before actually going. By that point, the anger I was feeling had dissipated. _Eh. I'll apologize to him later. Maybe._

I found Remus in the library. It wasn't too surprising; he was there often enough. I noticed that part of me felt a little constrained and claustrophobic. The forest was not visible from inside the library. That must have been the reason.

"Um, Remus?" I said quietly, asking for his attention. He closed the book he had in front of him, took a deep breath, then looked up at me. The fear and pain was visible in his eyes. It hurt to see him like that, but I pushed the feeling aside. "May I sit with you?" He simply nodded. I opened my mouth to ask him my questions bluntly, but he beat me to it.

"You want to know what's going on. You're changing and you don't understand it all and you want me to fill you in."

"You did say I could ask for help..." I murmured. He nodded.

"So I did. I will try to explain as much as I can." He looked around, then motioned for me to follow. He led me to the astronomy tower and outside around a ledge. "We will have privacy here. If I am not mistaken, you don't want this secret to get out any more than I do. Most of the changes are explained due to the wolf's influence. The newfound confidence, longing for the forest, increase in strength and senses, the pull of the moon..." He paused to stare at the shadow of it in the slowly darkening sky. I couldn't help but join him. It was beautiful, even though it could hardly be seen. I could feel it, sense it, more than I could see it. He tore his eyes away so I forced myself to do the same.

"It's coming up on the first quarter. The moon is waxing. In a couple of weeks- January 5th, it will be full. It will be full and we will change." A darkness crossed his features and he looked down, breaking eye contact. "Transformations are terribly painful. I cannot think of any pain to compare. You will lose your mind when you do. The wolf takes over. You become a beast, a hungry animal. We are practically immortal because when we transform, our cells regenerate. But that means we have an eternity to live with this curse." He sounded so bitter, I couldn't help but pity him. I wouldn't be surprised if he would have killed himself if it wasn't such a cowardly thing to do. Well, it's the reason I hadn't slit my wrists yet.

Remus thought for a moment then looked at me, his amber eyes steady, "It will be hard. I promise you that. But if you'll let me, I'll try to be there every step of the way."

Only able to nod, I did so and left.

-reviews please *puppy eyes*-


	14. Chapter 14

Lydia's POV

Christmas morning arrived and I awoke once again to an empty room. The other seventh year girls had gone home for the holidays. Oddly enough, I had more than usual presents from my parents and Lily waiting for me at the foot of my bed. I pushed back my covers and crawled to the end of my bed.

"Happy Christmas to me." I picked up and opened the presents from my parents, then from Lily. _Now who could these be from?_ There were two presents left and neither had tags on them. It didn't matter. I could smell Remus and Sirius on them. _Wait. I can smell them? This is so freaky._ Forcing the weirdness aside, I opened them. Sirius had given me a huge box of Honeydukes chocolates. Remus gave me a book of muggle Grimm fairy tales. Breaking open the box of chocolate, I couldn't help but be glad that I had apologized to him and had given both boys their Christmas presents. I hadn't planned on giving them anything after what happened, but I had already bought their presents long before the…incident. I didn't leave my room until lunch time. But then I had a good book and chocolates to keep me occupied.

Remus' POV- January 5 th- evening of the full moon

I walked into one of the rooms off the Great Hall. It was so routine, I almost thought nothing of it, if not for the situation. Lydia was already there with Madam Pomfrey. She looked horrible. Her hair was lank and hung in her pale face. The usually bright eyes that hid behind those bangs were dull and worn. Lydia's open-mouthed, ragged breathing brought emphasis to her hallowed cheekbones and sunken eyes. The pull of the moon was very strong the few days right before and it took all the willpower and energy both of us could muster to be able to hold off the animal inside, clawing to break free.

"Are you two ready?" Madam Pomfrey asked the two of us. Lydia and I nodded, her a little more slowly than me. Instinctively, I held out my hand to comfort the girl. She took it silently and stayed silent all the way to the Whomping Willow. A quiet spell from the nurse quieted the tree and she ushered the two of us inside the small opening at its base. Lydia followed me inside and I could smell the fear on her with my heightened senses.

Lydia's POV

He looked like hell. Not that I could talk, anyway. Now I understood why he always looked so sick every month. Remus gave me a forced smile.

"You look like shit."

"So do you," I replied wryly. He squeezed my hand tighter. I don't know why I took his hand in the first place. I thought I couldn't stand him or trust him. But for some reason, after everything, I found his hand comforting. _What's wrong with me?_

"Listen, I can't guarantee what is going to happen with the two of us down there and I want to apologize ahead of time." I nodded.

"Same."

It hurt. Pure pain. Pure torture. I felt my insides tearing, shifting, reforming. Bones moved, muscles tore themselves off the bones and reattached them to others. Hands turned into paws. Fur sprouted from my skin and my face elongated. Fangs grew and a tail sprouted. Ears pushed up and into furred ones.

Misery. Agony. Hell. These things didn't come close to what I felt. Words had no way to explain the pain of transformation. I cried out, howled perhaps, in agony. Then everything went dark.

I woke to a soft wetness on my muzzle. Another wolf was licking me in a small attempt to ease my pain and wake me up. It had not even been an hour since I blacked out according to the moon's position; I instinctively knew where it was, even if I couldn't see it yet. I whimpered and backed away from the huge wolf in front of me. He (for it was obviously male) walked on all fours toward me. My hackles went up and my fur went on end. There were two options: I could fight for dominance and the right to be an equal or I could submit. He was bigger, stronger, and obviously more at home with his body. Though mine felt right, it still felt new and unusual. He could take me down easily. Right now, I didn't have a chance. Instead, I lied down and my ears went back. The huge wolf, the _were_wolf something in my mind told me, closed in on me and gently cuffed me across the head with his paw. I was his pack now and he was pack leader.

A new splash of moonlight shone through the window- I didn't even notice that the clouds had been in the way. A wave of animalistic ferocity washed over me. I wanted to maul and tear at everything. But there was nothing to really attack: just a few pieces of furniture, the wolf in front of me, and myself.

Him. It had to be him. Never mind he was more experienced or bigger. I felt stronger and more at home in my body than I had a moment ago. He was clawing at the wall, back turned to me. Taking that opening, I jumped on him, sinking my claws and teeth into his back and neck. He yelped then snarled in pain and anger. In a fluid motion, he threw me off him, flinging my furry body into the wall. Then he was on top of me.

Again, it was affirmed that he was dominant. He was pack leader. I had no right to attack him. Never again. The next time, he had every right to kill me. Once again, he was tearing up the walls; a few of his howls punctuated the night. An hour later I could hear footsteps and smell animals. I could smell food. They didn't smell entirely right, but appetizing enough. I stalked close to the opening, waiting. The other wolf's ears perked forward then rushed me, pushing me bodily out of the way. He got first attack at the food. A few minutes went by then a small rat, a scruffy dog, and a stag came into the room. I crouched, ready to pounce, hungry for meat. The other wolf's eyes changed. They didn't look as ferocious as they were a little while ago. _"Do you recognize them? Can't you smell our friends?"_ a male voice in my head said. It was a soothing, warm, gentle voice. It was familiar, too. And it wasn't in my head; he was growling and I understood him. I struggled to push back my hunger and focus on that voice. _"Remus?"_ I asked, er, growled. The wolf nodded. Concentrating, I sniffed the others- the NOT food- and recognized the smell that was off was their human smell. It was Peter, James, and Sirius. Slowly, carefully, I sniffed each of them in turn. The little rat's whiskers tickled my wet nose and made me sneeze. I had to lift myself onto two feet to reach the stag. The large dog, however, was hesitant about coming close to me. Remus made a small whimper. Timidly, he came close to me. I sniffed him then gently licked his nose, no longer needing to remind myself that my friends were not food. For some reason, simply being around the three of them made me feel more like my normal self. I could feel the human part of myself, the sane part I supposed, grow stronger. Remus looked over at the three animals then at me. _"We will stay here tonight,"_ he said, then settled down in a corner.

It was a very hard task to stay focused on the human side of me. The guys would tousle a little every now and then but I had to keep a firm grip on my thoughts. Every now and then they would slip and I had to shred myself up to make sure I wouldn't hurt the others. The entire night was a mental struggle, wearing me down minute by minute. The same was said about Remus too, though it wasn't near as often. Then, after an eternity of waiting, I could actually feel the moon set and the sun start to rise. Sirius, James, and Peter left right before Remus and I started changing back. It was just as painful to change back from a werewolf as it was to change into one. Once again, everything went black.

I awoke to find myself lying naked on the floor of the shrieking shack. Well, a fresh robe had been draped over my body like a blanket so nothing could be seen. Holding it close, I looked around the shack. Remus, fully dressed, was sitting against the opposite wall.

"I forgot to mention about the clothes thing. You won't be wearing anything when we change back so yeah...you'll need to bring a few extra sets down here. I'll, uh, just wait inside here, then," he said, obviously embarrassed, then climbed into the hole that led back to the school.

Shaking my head, I put on the fresh clothes. It took a moment to realize that they were a spare set of Remus'. A quick curious glance into a chest of drawers showed that he had a few extra sets stored up. Closing the drawer, I realized that my hands were trembling. _I'm not the same person anymore, am I? I'm...I'm a beast. All I could think about last night was mauling._ Slowly, I lowered myself to the floor and started crying silently, holding my knees to my chest. A few minutes later, Remus peeked his head in to check on me.

"Lydia?" he asked hesitantly. Then he saw I was crying. "Oh, Lydia," he breathed and sat next to me, pulling me into a tight embrace. I cried harder into his chest.

"I hate this! I don't want to hurt others or myself. I don't want to go through that pain again. I don't want to be a monster."

Remus' POV

I flinched. It hurt to hear her say that she was a monster. That meant she thought I was a monster too.

"Shhh," I told her. "It will be ok. You are not a monster. Don't think for a moment that you are. It just takes a bit to get a hold of your mind. You can learn to control the wolf side of you. And anyway, the anger comes from the pain. You'll get used to the change. When you do, it will be like changing into a large wolf instead of a ferocious animal." It seemed to be the right thing to say, even though it was not completely true. I thought I was a monster too. Still, she quieted.

"I feel so dirty," she murmured into my hold. I nodded, rocking her gently.

"I know. I feel dirty, too. And no, it does not go away." I wasn't sure how long I was holding on to her when I finally gathered the courage to once again ask, "Do you hate me?" She didn't say anything for a good few minutes.

"No. I understand what happened and I can't blame you. Not anymore. It was out of your control and I can't begrudge you for that, especially after going through it myself." Still, she stayed in my arms. I assumed she either felt safe there (though I wasn't able to understand why) or she more than likely just needed someone to hold her. "I felt more human when they guys were here. Is that normal?" I nodded.

"I think so. At least, I feel more human around them too."

"How did they-"

"They're animagi. Once they figured out my secret, they learned so that they could keep me company. After all, we can't hurt animals the way...the way I hurt you..." I hugged her tighter. "I am so, so sorry." She nodded.

"I know. I forgive you." I didn't expect that. I wouldn't have forgiven me.

"Thank you." She nodded in reply.


	15. Chapter 15

Lydia's POV

It was the first Friday in January when McGonagall took me back to the Ministry. It…it wasn't pleasant.

Later that evening, I sat on my bed examining the new tattoo on my inner left arm. Hating it, I read it over again, distaste dripping from my mind's voice. _2847361186. Effing registration number. It's like they think we're cattle or something. I can't believe we have to have these things. It's like they can't trust us or some- uh oh. _I remembered my own uninformed, biased opinions what seemed so long ago. _Merlin, I'm a dumbass._

Remus' POV

Lydia found me in the empty common room, reading by the fireplace. I could almost smell the guilt on her.

"Remus...do you remember when we had that DADA lesson on werewolves?" I nodded warily. "Do you remember what I said after class?" Again, I nodded, understanding where this was going. _How could I forget? What you said that day cut me real deep. I wasn't sure our relationship could get remotely serious after that._ "I wanted to say that I was sorry. I know how ignorant I was then." I pat the space on the sofa next to me, indicating for the girl to sit down with me. She did. Holding out my arms, I offered her a hug, which she gladly fell into.

"I forgive you. It is very hard for most outsiders to understand how it is to be so different and for them to not be afraid of what we can do. Yes, we are now animals, but we do not deserve to be treated as such. We are still human too, and the rest of our world will one day learn to accept this. Maybe then, we could live without being ashamed of what we are and maybe we wouldn't have to have these," I said, gently pushing back the sleeve to her pajamas, exposing the registration number inked there. She winced, looking at it. I nodded. "It became very real to me when I got mine too," I told her quietly, showing her my own.

Lydia's POV

It was over a weekend in January that the rest of the Marauders sat Remus and me down in their dormitory.

"It has occurred to us that you are a boy and girl," James told us. We stared.

"Brilliant deduction, Prongs. So what?" Remus asked, rolling his eyes.

"Well, you're a boy werewolf and a girl werewolf, too," Sirius put in.

"Get to the point," I told them.

"What do girl canines do?" We stared. James sighed and continued. "When a boy wolf and a girl wolf love each other very, very much, they- no, that's not right. Ah. When a girl wolf goes into heat, the boy wolf goes crazy and jumps her." He looked very proud of himself. I buried my face in my hands.

"Seriously? You guys had to bring _that_ up?" Remus growled. They laughed.

"We've got your best interests at heart. Really," James told us, voice dripping with sarcastic sincerity. "That's why we got you guys these." I couldn't help it. I looked. He handed a box to Remus, who looked at it.

"These are trash bags!"

"Yeah, well," James said, edging toward the door, "normal condoms won't fit, now will they?" And he ran. Good thing, too. Remus raced after him, leaving me alone with Sirius and Peter. Peter raised his hand.

"Um, Lydia?" he asked. "If the trash bags don't work out, can I have a puppy?" Sirius let out a bark like laugh as I chased the round boy out the door.

The next night of the full moon, I didn't feel as bad. It was hard, but I think I've really started to accept who I am now, and found a soul mate in one of my best friends. There weren't many people around that liked a lot of the same things as you did AND had the same, dark secret. And together, during the day, we could spend hours in the library or at night, run through the woods and howl at the full moon, being in complete understanding of one another, no matter which side of our souls took prominence.

I took Remus' hand in the tunnel to the Shrieking Shack.

"I guess you're stuck with me," I told him with a weary smile. He shook his head. Even though he looked so ragged, his eyes were still very warm.

"Never stuck. I was serious when I told you I'd be with you every step of the way," he told me. I blushed.

The next morning, we walked back to the school together, hand in hand. I couldn't stop blushing. My right hand felt the area on my neck where it connected with the shoulder. Though my other cuts and bites disappeared when I transformed back to human, there was still a mark. Remus caught my action and ducked his head.

"I'm sorry. That one won't go away…I hope you don't mind too much." I gave him one of my old shy smiles.

"Eh, what says 'be with me forever' like a werewolf mate mark?" He laughed. I couldn't help but join in.

"That's right. Forever," he told me. "That won't be a problem, will it?" I squeezed his hand.

"Not at all."

And they lived happily ever after. THE END

I'm pretty sure that's the end, anyway. Who, knows. If I get plenty of messages, inspiration, and some ideas, I might make a sequel. Maybe. Anyway, thank you for sticking with me for this adventure and a huge THANK YOU I LUV U SOOOO MUCH to everyone who reviewed and helped me through this.


End file.
